The 30-Day Sex Challenge for Couples

A 30-day sex challenge usually means having sex every day for a month, which sounds great right up until day four, when you've both got a cold and someone's mother is staying. So we've made a better one. There are 30 small, filthy things, one per day. Some are only a text message. Some will take all night. By the end, you'll have flirted more in a month than you have in the last five years.

The rules

• It's not a race. Miss a day? Do it tomorrow. Do two on a weekend. Take two months. Nobody's marking this.
• Anyone can swap or skip. If a day's not for you, choose something else. No sulking, and no questions.
• Nothing has to lead to sex. Many of these are just for fun. If it does lead to sex, then all the better.
• Print it out, and stick it inside a cupboard door. Tick things off together, and keep it somewhere your visitors can't find it.

Week 1: Warm up

1. Kiss properly for 60 seconds, for no reason, in the kitchen.
2. Send one flirty text in the middle of the day. Here's help if you normally write "yep cheers".
3. Go to bed at the same time. Phones in another room.
4. Tell them three things you love about their body, with your clothes on.
5. Shower together. There's no agenda. Just wash each other.
6. Give each other a ten-minute back rub. Take turns.
7. Have sex, or whatever you like, with the big light off and something nice on instead.

Week 2: Say it out loud

8. Tell them the sexiest thing they've ever done to you.
9. Fill out a yes, no, maybe list separately, and compare your answers.
10. Say one thing you'd like more of in bed.
11. Say one filthy thing out loud. Here's a good one to start with.
12. Send a voice note saying what you want to do to them tonight.
13. Show each other how you like to be touched, by doing it yourself while they watch. Here's our mutual masturbation guide.
14. Tell each other a fantasy. It doesn't have to be something that you want to do. Just something that turns you on.

Week 3: Try something new

15. Have sex somewhere other than your bed.
16. Have sex at a time you never do. Morning, lunchtime or a Tuesday afternoon.
17. Try a position neither of you has tried. Good luck with the diagrams.
18. Buy a toy together, and spend a whole evening working out how it goes. Our couples' toys guide can help.
19. Use a blindfold on them for ten minutes. Then swap. A satin mask is $12.95.
20. Give them an hour-long sensual massage, with the good oil.
21. Play a game. Sexes & Ohs Tic Tac Toe is a scratchie game for couples, and Spin for Sex gives you a spinner. Whoever loses, wins.

Week 4: Turn it up

22. Tell them they can't touch themselves or come until you say. Here's how to play.
23. Take turns being in charge for 20 minutes each. You might learn something about yourself.
24. Spank each other, with a proper warm-up. Here's where it's safe.
25. Try soft restraints. Our guide tells you how.
26. Tease them all day by text, then make them beg that night.
27. Spend a whole session on one person's pleasure, and then swap the next day.
28. Pretend you're strangers at a bar. Here's a script.
29. Try something from your yes, no, maybe list. Pick the one that scared you both a little.
30. Book a hotel, or do a proper date night at home. Sit down and talk about what you liked the most, and what you want to keep.

Will this fix our sex life?

It might do a lot for it. The point is to get you into the habit of paying attention to each other. A lot of couples find that small and regular things do more than the big gestures. If there's something bigger going on, like pain, resentment or an issue that's been going on for years, this isn't going to solve that on its own. Have a read of our guide to a sexless relationship, or see a sex therapist. Nobody should feel pressured into anything here. If it's not fun, it's not working, so change it.

Keep your favourite ones, and make them regular. That's what we call winning. Day one starts tonight. Go and kiss someone in the kitchen.