Date Night at Home That Actually Ends in Sex

You had a plan. You got a nice bottle of wine, lit a candle and made an effort with dinner. By 8:30, you'd had two big bowls of pasta, watched half an episode of something, and one of you was asleep with their mouth open. Everyone's had a date night at home like that. Here's how to do one that gets you into bed, and not just to sleep.

The rules

• Book it. Choose a date and tell each other it's on. Scheduling sex isn't unsexy. It gives you a whole day to think about it.
• Phones go in a drawer. Both of them. Nothing kills the mood like someone's work email.
• Stay off the couch. That's where date nights go to die. Don't turn on the TV. At all.
• Eat light, and drink less than you think. A big plate of carbs and a bottle of red are a sedative. Have one or two drinks, and share something small, like a cheese board or a bowl of prawns. Save the pavlova for afterwards. You'll have earned it.
• Do the chores first. Nobody ever got horny looking at a full sink. Do them together, before you begin, or better still, order in.
• Get dressed. Not in a suit, but not in trackies. Wear something that makes you feel good, and something that comes off easily.

Start it hours before

A date night begins at lunchtime. Send a text. Send a filthy one, or something simple like "Wear the blue one tonight." Give them something to look forward to. Our slow tease guide has plenty of ideas, as does our sexting guide.

Five date nights that work

1. Strangers at home

One of you goes out for a walk and comes back in as somebody else. Introduce yourself at the door. Flirt. Find out what they do for a living, then ask them back to your room. Our roleplay script gives you some lines to use. It's silly, and then it's not.

2. The game night

Play a sex game. Play it at the kitchen table with your clothes on, and see how long that lasts. Hanky Panky Dice and Spin for Sex both do the thinking for you, or there's the Adam & Eve Couples Foreplay Game Set. Our sex games guide has others. You can even turn any card game into strip poker.

3. The massage night

Warm the room. Put a towel down, light a massage candle and take turns giving each other an hour's massage. Our sensual massage guide shows you how to do it properly, and how to get from the shoulders to the good bits.

4. The show and tell

Each of you brings a list of three things you've always wanted to try, or something you've been too shy to mention. Read them to each other. Choose one to try tonight. Our sex bucket list or yes, no, maybe list will give you some ideas. Sometimes this conversation's the hottest part of the night.

5. The hotel at home

Put on fresh sheets. Turn down the bed. Put a chocolate on the pillow, get out your good robe and order room service, which is your partner, in a tea towel. Pretend you've got nowhere to be tomorrow. Kill the big light, and put on a decent playlist.

Bring a new toy

A new toy's a very good reason to go to bed early. Try opening a parcel together. The Evolved Couples Therapy gives you something to work out together, or you can try a simple vibrating ring like the Fun Factory Speed Date. Our couples' toys guide has more ideas.

If you're tired anyway

Sometimes you've done everything right, and you're still knackered. That's life. Go to bed early, spoon and try again in the morning. Morning sex might be your new date night, and you can do your hair afterwards. Don't feel guilty if it doesn't lead to sex, either. A date night that ends with a really good talk, or with you both asleep by 9:30, still counts as time well spent. It's not a contract. Nobody owes anybody anything just because they've lit a candle. But it's nice to have something to look forward to, and you've got clean sheets now, either way.