“Which one do you fancy?” is a much better question when you're looking at sex toys than when you've both been staring at a takeaway menu for forty minutes.
You don't need something labelled “couples” to enjoy it together. You need a toy that adds something you both like. That could be a little vibration, a different kind of control or a reason to put the phones down and pay each other some very close attention.
Choose a toy for the sex you already enjoy
Like being teased? Look for something that adds to the teasing. Love vibration? Make room for a vibrator. Fancy letting your partner choose what happens next? A remote gives that idea a button.
“This looks fun. Fancy trying it?” is enough to put an idea on the table. If it's a no, leave it there. If you both lean towards the screen for a better look, the shopping just got considerably more interesting.
For help bringing it up, our guide to talking about sex toys keeps the conversation ordinary. Nobody needs to deliver a speech entitled Our Bedroom Development Strategy.
A small vibrator has plenty to contribute
A bullet vibrator is easy to pass between you and move to where you like the vibration. It doesn't require penetration or a whole new way of having sex. It's a little extra you can use while doing things you already enjoy.
A bigger vibrator is an option too. The useful question is how you want to hold and position it, rather than whether the box officially recognises your relationship.
If one of you already has a favourite vibrator, start there. Showing your partner what you like is more useful than pretending you've never met the contents of your own bedside drawer.
You can also enjoy a toy together without both bodies touching it at once. Giving your partner the pleasure and watching them enjoy it counts. This isn't a workplace rule about equal access to equipment.
Fancy handing over the controls?
With a remote-controlled vibrator, one person wears or holds the toy while the other changes the intensity. The fun is handing your partner the controls and finding out how cheeky they feel.
A dedicated remote is for nearby play. For long-distance play, choose an app toy with internet control. Our remote versus app guide explains the distinction, so you don't buy a little handheld remote expecting it to reach Perth from Melbourne.
Either way, being in control is only fun while the other person is enjoying it. If they want the toy stopped, stop it. Then keep the flirting and lose the setting that wasn't doing it for them.
Couples vibrators and vibrating cock rings
A vibrating cock ring adds vibration around the penis, with an external part that can meet a partner's body. Other couples vibrators use a different shape to combine internal and external contact. Where that contact lands is a big part of whether you'll enjoy it.
Those toys have their fans, but they don't fit every body or every position in the same way. Pick the idea because you fancy that contact, not because it promises to solve sex in one purchase.
Our couples vibrators versus vibrating rings guide helps you choose between those shapes.
Or try something that doesn't vibrate at all
A blindfold makes anticipation part of the fun. Lingerie changes the look. A strap-on changes who's doing what. There isn't one proper couples-toy shopping list that every pair should work through.
If a strap-on is the idea you both keep coming back to, our strap-on guide helps you get started. If it's a blindfold, you don't need to buy half a dungeon to go with it.
Choose one thing you're keen to try together. You can always add more later. Right now, the good bit is getting excited about the same parcel.