Morning Sex: Dealing With Breath, Bladders and Alarms

Morning sex is one of the best things in the world, right after a coffee and just before you've got to think about anything. You're warm, you're half asleep, nobody's had a chance to annoy you yet, and for many people, their body's already up for it. It's also complicated by morning breath, a very full bladder and the fact that one of you has to be at work by 8.

Let's solve the problems, and get on with it.

Why morning can be your best time

You're rested, for one thing. By the evening, you've had a whole day of emails, deadlines and arguments about the bins, and you just want to go to sleep. In the morning, there's none of that yet. Testosterone levels tend to be higher in the morning, too, in people of all genders, which is one of the reasons many people wake up with an erection or feeling a bit horny. And if you start the day with an orgasm, you'll probably be in a better mood when that email comes in.

If your sex life's stalled because you're both shattered by 9pm, this might be your fix. Our guide to wanting sex without the effort might help too.

The breath problem

Everyone's got morning breath, and everyone knows it, including whoever's lying next to you. Here's what to do about it.

• Just get up and brush. Thirty seconds, and you come back to bed. It's not a mood killer. It's a statement of intent.
• Keep mints beside the bed. A sneaky mint's a lot less effort.
• Skip the kissing. Kiss their neck, their shoulder and their back instead. Spooning means nobody's breathing in anyone's face.
• Accept it. If you want each other enough, you won't care. Honestly, after 20 years together, you may have stopped caring long ago.

The bladder problem

Go to the toilet. Don't be a hero. Having a full bladder makes penetration uncomfortable, particularly from certain angles, and it's not going to do anyone's erection any favours, either. (A morning erection can make it hard to pee, so give it a minute.) It's also a very good time to freshen up and sneak in that toothbrush. If you've got a vulva, peeing after sex is a good idea as well, particularly if you get UTIs.

The alarm problem

Set your alarm 20 minutes earlier. That's the whole solution. Yes, you'll be losing 20 minutes of sleep, but you'll be gaining something far better. Scheduling sex sounds unromantic, right up until your alarm goes off at 6:15 and you both know why. If you're lucky enough to have a weekend, or if you can bring your partner a coffee in bed, take your time.

The full house problem

You'll need a door that locks, and a plan. If there's a dog that's going to stare at you, put them outside. Save it for when the house is empty, or when everyone's out. And there's a lot to be said for a quiet position and a bit of stealth.

The best morning positions

Nobody's doing anything athletic at this hour. Here's what you want.

• Spooning. It's the king of morning sex. You don't even have to open your eyes.
• Prone bone. You're flat on your stomach, and they're on top. Very little effort is required by whoever's lying down.
• On top, slowly. Grinding rather than bouncing, in the early light.
• Other lazy options. We've got a whole article of them, for people who've only just opened their eyes.

Wetness and toys

Morning bodies aren't always lubricated, and that's especially so if you've had a big night, are dehydrated or are on some medications. So keep a bottle of lube in the bedside drawer. Wicked Simply Natural is a very good one for this. Warm it up in your hands first, because cold lube at 6am is a hell of a way to wake someone up.

And a small vibrator can make all the difference if you're trying to catch up with a partner who woke up already hard. The Passion Play slim bullet is easy to slip between you, or the Fun Factory BE·ONE sits between their fingers. And since everyone's half asleep, make sure you've both agreed to this. Waking someone up with sex is only fine if you've talked about it, and they've told you they'd love that. Otherwise, it's not fine at all, so ask first.

A good way to start the day

Some people aren't morning people at all, and that's fine too. If you can't speak until you've had a coffee, no amount of advice will change that. Have the coffee, and then see how you feel. And if you're late for work, tell them there was traffic. There's always traffic.