Sensual Massage That Doesn't Stop Being Sexy at the Shoulders

Most massages at home go like this: someone's shoulders get rubbed for four minutes. Then your thumbs get tired, and you slowly give up, and you say "that's nice", then one of you checks their phone. If that's what you're doing, you're missing out. A real sensual massage is an hour of slowly driving someone out of their mind, with oil, and it's got almost nothing to do with their knots.

Set it up properly

• Warm the room. Nobody relaxes with goosebumps. Have a fan on, or a heater going, depending on the season.
• Protect the bed. Use a big towel, an old sheet or a waterproof blanket. Oil gets on everything, and it stays there.
• Kill the big light. The big light has no place here. Candles and a lamp only.
• Turn the phones off, and put on music that won't suddenly change to a podcast about real estate.
• Warm the oil. Rub it between your hands first. Cold oil on a warm back is a jump scare.

Choose the right oil

This matters, as what's great for a back isn't always good for genitals. Oil-based products can break down latex condoms, and they can irritate the vagina. Our guide on massage oil vs lube explains what's what.

A silky silicone like Wet Stuff Touch is an excellent choice, since it's made for massage and intimate use both. It's also compatible with condoms, and absorbs into your skin afterwards. Keep it off silicone toys. Or use a massage candle, which melts into warm oil you can pour over them. That moment when it lands on their back is pretty special.

Start on their back, and take your time

They're on their stomach, naked or nearly. You kneel beside them, or straddle their thighs if your knees allow it. Now slow down. Slower than that.

• Long, slow strokes first. Use your whole hands, from their lower back up to their shoulders, and back down again. Keep one hand on them at all times, so it never feels like you've left.
• Shoulders and neck: Yes, do it a bit. Use your thumbs, gently, and avoid pressing on the spine or the front of the neck.
• Bum and thighs: Most of us carry a lot of tension here, and there's a lot of nerve endings. Work your way down, and spend a long time here. Run your fingers up the inside of their thighs, and stop short. Then go back to something else.
• Feet: Do them. It's a very underrated pleasure. Some people like them far more than others.

The rule of "not yet"

A good massage is one long tease. Every time your hand gets close to where they want it, go somewhere else. Skim past. Graze it with the side of your hand, as if by accident. It's not an accident, and they'll know that. Let your breath land on the back of their neck. Tell them to stay still. If they start moving towards your hand, tell them to wait. Our guide to the slow tease has plenty more of this.

Now turn them over

After a good 20 minutes or more, tell them to roll over. Do their chest and stomach, their hips and the crease at the top of their thighs. Pour a little more oil. Their nipples are next. Take your time getting there. Then, when you've kept them waiting long enough, you can finally go where they've been wanting you to.

It can stay as a hand job, it can turn into sex, or you can go to sleep. You should agree on where this is going before you start, as it's completely different if they've said "I'd just love a massage" with no expectations. Make sure it's something you both want. And if the oil you're using isn't safe for genitals, change to a lube at this point. Our hand job guide and fingering guide have the next steps.

Swap, or don't

It doesn't have to be fair on the same night. Take turns, one night each. Being the one who only has to lie there is so much better when you know you don't have to give anything back straight away. If your hands get tired, use your forearms, or your whole body, sliding oil across their back. That's also a bit more fun than thumbs.

Oh, and tomorrow, you're going to be finding oil on things. It's on the light switch. It's on your phone. It's all part of the service.