The Art of the Slow Tease: Making Them Beg

The best sex you've had probably started hours before anyone took anything off. It was a look across the kitchen, a hand on your lower back at dinner, or a text at 2pm that said, "I'm going to make you wait for it tonight." By the time the bedroom door shut, you'd have done absolutely anything they asked. That's the power of a good tease, and it's about the cheapest thing you can do to change your sex life.

Start hours before

A good tease doesn't begin in the bedroom. Send a message in the middle of the day telling them what's on your mind. Not a nude, just words. Something like "Don't touch yourself today. That's mine." Brush past them in the hallway. Lean in close to whisper something in their ear, and walk off without touching them at all. Make dinner in your underwear. Our sexting guide has a few ideas.

Long-term couples often lose this, so it's worth remembering. Our guide to flirting with someone you've lived with for years helps, and responsive desire explains why it works so well on so many people.

In the bedroom: go everywhere except there

This is the golden rule. Kiss everywhere but their mouth. Run your hands everywhere but where they want them to go.

• Undress them slowly, one thing at a time, or better yet, make them watch you undress.
• Take your time with the boring bits. Inner elbows, the back of the knee, the neck, the hip bones and the inner thigh are all very underrated.
• Get close, then leave. Run a fingertip right up the inner thigh, and stop just short. Do it again. Do it on the other side.
• Touch through their clothes. A hand through underwear, or your mouth breathing warm air on it. You're allowed to leave the undies on for ages.
• Stop when it gets good. When they start moving against you, ease off. They'll hate you, and they'll love it.

Use your words

Tell them what you're about to do, but don't do it yet. "I'm going to put my mouth on you. Not yet, though." Ask them what they want, then say, "Say please." If you're not sure how to talk like this, our dirty talk guide gets you started. And when they do something you like, try a bit of praise. It makes them work for it even harder.

Bring out the props

• A blindfold means they can't see what's coming. The Sportsheets Twilight Tease gives you complete darkness. Our blindfold guide shows you how to use it.
• A feather is the ultimate tease, because it's never quite enough. Have a look at our guide to ticklers.
• Soft cuffs mean they can't speed things up for themselves. Our restraints guide tells you how to do it safely.
• A vibrator on low, held just near the spot, or on the lowest setting. A remote gives you the power to turn it off the moment they start getting close.

Take them to the edge

Now it gets really mean. Get them almost all the way there, then stop. Wait until they've calmed down, and start again. Do this three or four times. It's called edging, and when you finally let them come, the orgasm's often huge. If you want to take that further, with rules and permissions, read our orgasm control guide.

Know when to give in

There's a point where a tease stops being fun. Maybe they've gone from begging to frustrated. Maybe they're getting sore, or tired, or they've lost the mood. Maybe they've told you to stop. Watch their face, and check in if you aren't sure. Have a way to call it off, as our safeword guide explains. Teasing's a game you're both playing, and they should always be able to tap out. So don't overdo it, and don't withhold sex as a punishment for something that's going on outside the bedroom, because that's not a game.

And when you finally give them what they've been begging for, don't hold back. You've made a very big promise. Keep it.