Mutual Masturbation: Show Your Partner What You Like

Your partner has seen you naked. That doesn't necessarily mean they've seen what you do when you've got the bed to yourself and a bit of time for a wank.

Mutual masturbation lets you share some of that pleasure. You might each touch yourselves, touch each other or bring in toys. Part of the fun can be seeing what your partner actually likes, without guessing which pressure or pace works.

Say which part sounds good to you

People use “mutual masturbation” to mean slightly different things, so make the invitation clear. You could suggest touching yourselves side by side, watching each other or taking turns with hands and toys.

Agree on what you both want, and leave anything else out. Liking the idea of being watched doesn't automatically mean wanting to be touched at the same time.

Our guide to talking about toys can help if you want to bring your favourite into the plan.

Get comfortable before trying to look sexy

Recline beside each other with support under your heads or backs, or face each other if that feels comfortable. Choose somewhere your arms can move easily and your body doesn't need to hold a pose.

You can look at your partner, close your eyes or turn your attention back to yourself. There isn't an eye-contact requirement. Looking intensely at someone while your hand searches for a button isn't compulsory romance.

Keep the setting private. Recording needs a separate, explicit agreement; it doesn't quietly become part of the evening because a phone is nearby.

Use the touch you already enjoy

This is a chance to show what works for you, not suddenly invent something impressive. Keep your usual pressure and pace if that's what you like.

If your partner is touching you, guide their hand or give a specific request. If you're touching yourself, you can explain a useful detail or simply enjoy it and talk later.

A little laughter is fine. So is being quiet. You don't have to narrate your entire sex life like a very personal audio tour.

Keep your own toy or share with care

Using separate toys lets each person choose their own shape and intensity. One of you can prefer vibration while the other prefers a hand or sleeve. You don't need matching equipment to enjoy the same bed.

If a toy moves between people or body sites, clean it properly or change its condom. Our couples' toy guide helps you think through shared and separate choices.

Let your timing be different

You might orgasm at different times, or not at all. Neither person needs to hurry up so the other can tick off a successful experiment.

If you've wondered why things feel different alone and together, our solo-versus-partner orgasm guide is worth a read. Otherwise, enjoy discovering something about each other. Watching your partner enjoy themselves can be plenty interesting without adding a single new trick.