Sex in Public: Exhibitionism, Voyeurism and How Not to Get Caught

There's nothing quite like knowing that someone might see. The curtains open a little too far. Your partner's hand on your thigh under a restaurant table. The door you didn't quite shut at the party. The car park at the lookout, after everyone else has gone home. For plenty of people, the chance of getting caught is the hottest thing in the world. For others, the thrill's in the watching. Both are very common fantasies, and plenty of people are going to act on them no matter what any article says. So let's talk about how to do it properly.

The rules of the game

Yes, sex in public is illegal. You knew that. It's part of why it's hot. So here's the one rule that matters if you're doing it regardless: don't get caught. That isn't just good advice for you. The whole game is that it nearly happens, and that nobody actually sees a thing. The fantasy's about the risk. A stranger who didn't sign up for your show isn't part of it, and that's where a funny story turns into a police report.

So get your thrills, but pick your moments. Flashing people, doing it where someone's bound to walk past and perving on anyone who doesn't know you're there aren't naughty. They hurt people, and they can land you on a sex offenders register. Nobody wants that as the ending.

How not to get caught

• Timing beats location. The same spot at 2am on a Tuesday's a very different place from the same spot at 2pm on a Saturday.
• Scout it first. Have a look around in daylight. Where do the paths go? Who walks their dog here? Is there a camera on that pole? There probably is.
• Keep your clothes on. A skirt with no undies under it and an open fly can both be sorted out in about four seconds. Getting naked's for amateurs, and it's very hard to explain.
• Have your story ready. "We were just looking at the view" works much better if your pants are on.
• Be quick. It's no place for a slow, sensual odyssey. Our quickie masterclass will get you there, and our guide to noise will tell you what you're giving up.
• If you hear someone, stop. Straighten up, hold hands and look boring. Then get out of there, and laugh about it in the car.
• Stay away from anywhere busy. If people are around, it's off. Doing it in front of strangers isn't naughty, it's just wrong, and it's the fastest way to turn a story into a charge.
• Take everything with you. Condoms, wrappers, wipes and your dignity.
• Never in a moving car. You'll kill someone. That's the end of that one.

Where people actually do it

• The car. The great Australian classic. Find somewhere quiet and well off the road, not a shopping centre car park, and our road trip guide covers how to fit two adults in a Corolla. Fogged windows are a giveaway.
• The beach at night. Romantic, and also full of sand. Our beach sex guide tells you how to get away with it.
• The bush. A long way from the track, and check for ants. A tent makes it a whole lot easier.
• The party. The laundry, the spare room or the back deck, with a door that nearly locks. You should probably ask yourself if the hosts would mind.
• The hotel balcony. Keep it dark, keep your robe on and look up first, as the windows work both ways. Our hotel guide has plenty more.
• The change room. Everyone's thought of it. Keep it to a very quick grope, since the staff have seen it all, and the cameras are usually right outside.

If you do get caught

Every state's got its own laws about exposure and indecent acts, and they can cover your car, your balcony and even your lounge room if people can see in from the street. Most of the time, getting sprung by a ranger will mean some very awkward words and a fine, but it can go a lot further than that if someone's seen you. Be polite, cover up and leave. If you're charged, talk to a lawyer or Legal Aid before you say too much. Don't try to be funny. Save it for the pub. This is general information, not legal advice.

Being seen by someone who wants to see you

If it's being watched that gets you going, you can have the whole audience with no risk at all.

• By your partner. Start here. Masturbate while they watch. Have them sit in a chair with their hands to themselves, while you put on a show. Our mutual masturbation guide has more.
• In a mirror. It's the cheapest thrill going, and you've probably already got one.
• On camera, privately. Film yourselves, just for the two of you, then watch it back. Keep faces and tattoos out of it, keep it off the cloud and delete it when you're done. Our nudes guide covers the risks, and boudoir photos are another great kick.
• At a sex-on-premises venue. People go specifically to watch and be watched, and it's all legal. You can do the thing you've been thinking about in front of a room that's cheering you on. Our guide for first-timers tells you what to expect.
• With a willing third person. Swinging and hotwifing both offer some version of that, and so does a private party where everyone's opted in.

Being filthy in plain sight

Some of the best public sex doesn't involve anyone taking anything off.

• A remote toy under your clothes. A wearable vibrator like the Satisfyer Top Secret+, with your partner holding the phone, makes a boring dinner very interesting. Try keeping a straight face while you order.
• No undies. Under a dress at dinner. Tell them when the entree arrives.
• A hand under the table. The tablecloth was invented for this.
• Whispered stories. Tell them what you're about to do to them, in a very crowded bar.

If you're the one who loves to watch

There's a very willing world out there. Watch your partner get themselves off, and tell them what to do. Ethical porn pays performers who want to be watched, and sex-on-premises venues have areas set up for it. What's never on the table is looking through someone's window, or filming anyone who doesn't know about it. Hidden cameras, upskirting and sharing someone's intimate pictures without their consent are serious crimes, and there's nothing funny about them. If it's happened to you, eSafety can help you get the images removed.

How to bring it up

"I keep thinking about you bending me over somewhere we shouldn't be" is a hell of a thing to say to someone. Start there, and then work out what does it for you. Is it being seen, being wanted or nearly being caught? Some fantasies are perfectly fine staying in your head, and telling each other about that time you nearly got sprung can be half the fun.

So go on, you filthy things. Pick your moment, keep your pants handy and leave nobody with a story to tell but you. And if a ranger's torch comes around the corner, you were just looking at the stars.