Swinging: An Insider’s Guide from a Couple with 10 Years of Experience
This article is penned by a husband-and-wife duo who have been part of the swinging lifestyle for over a decade. Noticing a surge of interest in non-monogamous relationships post-pandemic, they felt a lack of accessible resources for newcomers. Here, they share their experiences as seasoned swingers.
This is the first installment in a series exploring the rising popularity of swinging—often referred to as "the lifestyle." The insights here are from a UK perspective, which may differ slightly from experiences in the U.S. and elsewhere.
Who Are Swingers?
Swingers are typically couples who engage in consensual sexual activities with other couples, commonly referred to as "playing." While the term "wife swapping" is outdated and suggests a male-centric view, swinging encompasses much more than just exchanging partners. The key term here is “ethical,” indicating mutual consent and respect among all involved.
How Common Is Consensual Non-Monogamy?
An AUS survey found that about 8% of people have participated in consensual non-monogamous relationships, with an additional 14% open to the idea. In the U.S., around 20% report having engaged in such experiences.
What Sets Swinging Apart from Cheating?
The main difference lies in one word: "deceit." Cheating involves hidden actions and betrayal, while swinging is characterized by openness and mutual agreement. Both partners must be fully on board with the lifestyle and the activities they pursue together.
Who Joins the Swinging Lifestyle?
When the authors first considered swinging, they imagined a crowd of young, model-like individuals. In reality, swingers come from all walks of life—different ages, genders, occupations, and backgrounds. The only common thread is their commitment to consensual non-monogamy.
What Do Swingers Do?
Swinging offers a variety of practices, including:
Watching: Newcomers might start by observing others before participating themselves.
Conventional Swapping: Couples exchange partners for intimate encounters, with all four participants needing to feel comfortable and attracted to one another.
Bisexual Swapping: This involves two couples who may play more freely than just swapping, potentially forming a foursome.
Threesomes: More common and easier to arrange than foursomes, threesomes typically consist of either MMF (male/male/female) or FFM (female/female/male) dynamics.
The "Greedy Girl": A woman, either single or partnered, who desires to play with multiple males while her partner watches or joins in.
Parties and Orgies: Full-scale gatherings where multiple couples engage in various activities.
Types of Non-Monogamous Encounters
Casual: A one-time encounter without further connection.
Fuck Buddy: A sexual partner without emotional involvement, often utilized by singles in the lifestyle.
Friend With Benefits (FWB): A friendship that includes sexual intimacy.
Polyamory: Deep romantic relationships with more than one partner, possibly involving shared living arrangements.
Swinging Etiquette
Swinging has its own etiquette, including:
Personal Hygiene: Essential for all involved.
Body Hair: Preferences vary, and respect for individual choices is crucial.
Consent: The foundation of swinging. “No” always means “no,” and pressure to engage is unacceptable.
Social Engagement: Approach potential partners politely and engage in conversation before making any advances.
Alcohol and Drugs: Moderate drinking is fine, but excessive intoxication or drug use is not tolerated in swinging environments.
Safe Sex: Condoms are strongly encouraged for partners outside of the primary relationship, with a zero-tolerance policy for stealthing (removing a condom without consent).
Communication Is Key
Strong communication is vital in swinging relationships. Couples should maintain open dialogue about their experiences and feelings. Having code words can help express interest or discomfort discreetly.
If you have more questions about swinging, feel free to comment below, and we’ll be happy to provide answers!