Porn That's Actually Worth Watching: Ethical Sites and How to Pay

You've probably spent more time looking for something to watch than you've spent actually watching it. Free porn's a bit like the servo hot food cabinet: you know it's there, it'll do the job, and you wouldn't want to know how it got there. There's another way. People are making porn with good lighting, real orgasms, performers who've been paid properly and actual consent, and it's a lot hotter for it.

What does "ethical porn" actually mean?

There's no official stamp, but there are a few things you'll want to see:

• Everyone's a verified, consenting adult, and the site explains how it checks.
• Performers are paid fairly and have some say over what they do, who they do it with and when they stop.
• The people who made it get the money. Free tube sites are often full of stolen content. When you pay the maker directly, the performer gets paid.
• Nobody's being exploited. Good sites have clear rules on consent, testing and working conditions, as well as a way to report and remove content.

Paying for it isn't an automatic guarantee, but it's a very good start. It's also the single biggest thing you can do to make sure that everyone in the video's OK.

Why it's better, even if you don't care about ethics

It's just better porn. You'll see real bodies, of all kinds and ages. People who appear to actually like each other. Real orgasms, where the person doesn't look like she's been told to act surprised. Foreplay. Laughter. For a lot of people, particularly women, that's what makes it hot. Plus, when you're not hunting through 40 tabs, you can actually relax.

Where to look

A few names that have earned a good reputation for this are Erika Lust's XConfessions, which turns viewers' fantasies into short films, and Pink Label TV, which has a very queer and feminist catalogue. Bellesa has a strong following among women, too. Sites change their ownership and policies over time, so do check what they're doing now. Performers who run their own subscription pages are another great choice, since your money's going to them directly.

If you've got a particular kink, search for that plus "ethical" or "indie" or "queer porn", and read the about page. A good one will tell you how they work. If you don't like watching, audio erotica and filthy books skip the problem altogether.

How to keep your payment private

• Check how the charge appears. Most adult sites use a discreet name on your statement. It should say so on their billing page.
• Use a separate card or a prepaid card if you share a bank account.
• Use a private browser window, and a separate email address. It won't hide your bank records, but it does keep your history tidy.
• Watch out for shady sites. If it's asking for more information than it needs, or it's full of pop-ups, walk away. Remember that security breaches happen, so use a strong and unique password.

Australia's also got age verification rules that have been coming in for some online services. So you may have to prove you're an adult on some sites, and it's worth reading how they handle your details. eSafety has the latest.

Watching with a partner

A lot of couples have never tried it, because they're worried about what it means. Here's how to start: each of you chooses one clip, and you watch them together, with your hands free. Talk about what you liked, and laugh at what you didn't. It's a very good way of telling them what you're into, without having to say it out loud. It can also be a very good way to discover that one of you is really into something you didn't know about. Mutual masturbation goes rather well with this. A shared login's a nice bit of trust, too, so maybe don't use your partner's account for anything you don't want them seeing.

Remember that it's a movie

Even the good stuff's been lit, edited and cast. Nobody's real life looks like that, and that's fine. If you've picked up some ideas that don't match reality, like that everyone comes from penetration, or that nobody needs lube, or that you should be able to go for an hour, it's worth reading what movies get wrong. And always ask before you try something you've just seen.

When it's not fun any more

Most people who watch porn have no problem with it. If it's crowding out your sleep, your work or your relationships, or if you feel like you can't stop when you want to, that's worth talking about. See a GP or a sex therapist. And if you ever come across something illegal or with someone who looks underage, close it and report it. The Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation and eSafety take reports, and they will act on them.

So close those 40 tabs, spend the price of a coffee and have a much better night. The people in the video are getting paid, and you've found something you actually like. Everyone wins.