Sex in a Tent: Get Laid, Keep the Mozzies Out

You pictured a quiet campsite, a bottle of something nice and your partner looking unfairly good in shorts. So far, so promising. Then you got into the tent and discovered the romantic floor was mostly a rock.

Sex in a tent can be fun. Getting away, having fewer distractions and being a bit ridiculous together all have their appeal. But the good night usually starts with a comfortable sleeping mat and some privacy, not an ambitious plan involving the tent poles.

Here's how to give the shag a fair chance before the mozzies start expressing an interest.

Choose privacy, not just a zip

A closed tent gives you a visual barrier. It doesn't make nearby campers unable to hear, and a bright light inside can turn thin fabric into an unexpected silhouette show.

Choose a genuinely private spot where you're permitted to camp, keep the tent closed and consider who's around you. If you're pitched a few metres from strangers, save the noisy plans for somewhere else. They booked a campsite, not supporting roles in your weekend.

Soft lighting can make the tent feel cosy without lighting you up for the whole campground. Before clothes come off, step outside and see what the lighting looks like from there. That's a more useful rehearsal than buying another set of fairy lights.

Sort the sleeping mat before getting naked

A thin mat might be tolerable for sleeping and thoroughly annoying when your knee finds the ground underneath it. Smooth out the bedding, move hard objects and make sure neither of you is about to put an elbow through a bag of tent pegs.

Low positions generally make more sense in a small tent than trying to stand or hold an elaborate pose. Our low-effort sex position guide is a better source of ideas than a photograph taken in a suspiciously enormous tent.

And leave the tent poles out of it. They're holding up your accommodation, not volunteering as bedroom furniture.

Pack the few things you'll actually use

Keep the essentials together so you aren't rummaging through the cooking gear when you'd rather be kissing. A small washable pouch is handy. It also makes packing up less likely to end with a bottle of lube next to the tomato sauce.

• Lube: a securely closed bottle you already like using.
• Protection: condoms or barriers suited to the sex you're planning, kept cool and dry.
• A clean towel: useful underneath you and afterwards.
• One easy toy: charged, clean and stored separately from dirty camping gear.
• A rubbish bag: wrappers and used wipes come home with you.

A waterproof sex blanket may be useful if keeping the bedding dry matters to you. You don't need to bring the entire toy drawer. The car is already carrying a folding chair for every possible mood.

Keep the mozzies out before the pants come off

Close the insect mesh before you settle in. That small pause is preferable to waving at a mosquito with one hand while trying to remain seductive with the rest of yourself.

Keep enough ventilation for the conditions, too. A tent can get warm quickly. If you're sticky, uncomfortable and mostly thinking about fresh air, take a break. Sweat is not compulsory evidence that the holiday is going well.

Keep insect repellent away from genitals and wash it off your hands before intimate contact. Bring proper lube for sex. “It was the nearest bottle” is not the kind of adventurous story anybody needs.

Give yourself an easy clean-up

Plan access to clean water and somewhere suitable to wash. A wipe is handy for a small spill; it isn't a substitute for properly cleaning a sex toy. Our toy-cleaning guide covers that job.

If you can't clean a used toy straight away, contain it separately for the trip home and clean and dry it properly before using it again. Keep the clean towel separate from the one that just dried your muddy feet. Camping asks enough of a relationship without that discovery.

Our guide to travelling with sex toys has more on packing, charging and keeping the small things organised.

A good camping night can include changing your mind

Sometimes the campsite is crowded, the rain won't stop or somebody is knackered from setting everything up. A cuddle and a decent sleep can still be a very good decision.

When the privacy, comfort and mood do line up, enjoy having some time together. You don't need to make the sex more complicated just because the accommodation has guy ropes.

Get comfortable, keep the mesh shut and put the torch somewhere you can find it. Future naked you would rather not stand on a fucking tent peg.