Scheduled Sex: Put Something Filthy in the Diary to Look Forward To

"Are you free on Saturday?" can be a very flirty question, especially when the next text says, "I want you naked by eight." Now it's Wednesday, and you're in a work meeting, and you can't stop thinking about Saturday. That's a very different thing from "maybe we should have sex sometime".

People say scheduled sex can't be sexy. They're wrong. It's anticipation, and it's the reason a dirty weekend's so much fun. You can look forward to sex without promising it in advance. Reserve some private time, agree on where to start, and let the week do the rest.

Say what you're looking forward to

"I miss our nights in. Do you want to have one this weekend?" gives your partner something warm to respond to. Find out what they want too. You might be picturing lingerie and a bottle of lube, while they were hoping for a takeaway and a long bath. Both of those can go very well together.

Keep it simple. "Friday evening, just us?" "I'd like that. Can we skip cooking?" "Absolutely. I'll sort food. You pick the music." Dinner's sorted, and you've got something to look forward to. That's far sexier than announcing a meeting about the state of your sex life.

Pick a time when you've got energy

If you're both exhausted by bedtime, go earlier. Sex doesn't have to wait until you've finished every other job. A weekend morning might suit you, or an afternoon when you've got the house to yourselves might feel wonderfully naughty. Ask when you each tend to feel most awake and least distracted.

Clear the decks

Split the small jobs, so nobody arrives feeling they've organised the whole thing for a guest. Fresh sheets and a clear bed can do more for the mood than an elaborate surprise, so get the washing off the doona. Put your phones away.

If you feel like dressing up, get out your favourite set, or browse the lingerie range together. Or add a new toy to the plan, like the Veiled Vision Lace Blindfold, and leave it on the bed for them to find.

Flirt all week

A message the day before can keep the date in both your minds: "Looking forward to having all your attention for a whole evening." Or "Can Friday hurry the fuck up?" Or a photo of what you plan to wear, if you're both okay with that. Our flirty texting guide helps if your messages are mostly about groceries.

And don't save all the affection for the booked evening. Our long-term flirting guide has ideas for ordinary days.

Start with dinner, a game or a proper kiss

You could begin with dinner and an album, or a game that gives you something new to ask each other. Our couples games guide and adult games range have plenty of options. The date reserves time together, not a guaranteed shag, and either of you can change your mind about sex.

Change the plan if you need to

If someone's tired, unwell or just not feeling it, change the plan kindly. You can enjoy a cuddle or keep the dinner date. Then pay attention to what worked. If an afternoon date left you both happier than waiting until midnight, do that again.

Then book another. And keep flirting in between. Your calendar's never looked so good.