A Sex Playlist That Won't Kill the Mood

The song was sexy. The crowd yelling “ONE MORE!” at the end was a bit much. You were trying to have a nice night, not accept a standing ovation from twelve thousand strangers.

A good sex playlist gives the room a mood without becoming the most demanding person in it. You don't need a scientifically approved shagging tempo. You need music you both enjoy and the occasional willingness to hit skip.

Pick songs you fancy, not songs labelled sexy

A playlist cover showing two people in purple lighting does not mean its creator knows what turns you on. Perhaps you love slow soul. Perhaps it's indie, dance music or the album you've been playing for years. Familiar music you actually enjoy beats a breathy stranger telling you what romance sounds like.

A perfectly lovely song can still remind your partner of an ex, a school concert or twenty-seven minutes waiting for an insurance company to answer.

If they say a track doesn't work for them, skip it. You're choosing a background for the two of you, not defending your taste before a hostile arts committee.

You also don't have to make every lyric about sex. Sometimes a song just sounds good. It can mind its own business while you enjoy each other.

Lose the tracks with unwanted guests

Live recordings bring the crowd. Spoken interludes bring a very chatty singer. An ad break brings someone who would love to talk to you about car finance at precisely the wrong moment.

Keep your bedroom playlist to tracks you know, and use ad-free playback if uninterrupted music matters to you. A sudden sales pitch is a peculiar addition to foreplay.

Watch the jump between songs too. A gentle track followed by a much louder one can make you both reach for the speaker when you'd rather be reaching for each other.

This doesn't call for a full rehearsal. Just don't fill the queue with mystery songs and expect every one of them to behave.

Keep it low enough to hear each other

Music should leave room for a laugh, a question or a cheeky suggestion. If you're raising your voice to be heard, turn it down. There are better reasons to be loud in bed.

Keep the controls close enough to reach without climbing over someone. If a song changes the mood in a way you don't fancy, you want one easy tap, not an expedition to the kitchen where you left your phone.

And let the music run without narrating it. “Wait for the bass line” sounds considerably more appealing when you're talking about music at a barbecue.

Leave the awkward love declarations to the singers

A song can declare eternal devotion before you've even decided whether this person is staying for breakfast. Another can spend six minutes furious about an imaginary betrayal. Neither has to become tonight's relationship status.

But if the words are distracting, change the track. You don't need to analyse them together while one of you is trying to be seductive.

Want more of the flirting and less pressure to make the whole room perfectly romantic? Our couples roleplay ideas keep things playful. You can have a laugh and still fancy each other.

Silence is allowed to sound good

Some nights you'd rather hear each other than a playlist. Turn it off. Nobody is going to take your romance licence away because the speaker's gone quiet.

If you're enjoying a slower night, massage oil gives your hands something lovely to do without asking the music to carry the whole mood. Our massage oil versus lube guide explains which bottle belongs where.

For more atmosphere without the audio drama, try our bedroom lighting article. Or leave the room as it is and enjoy the person in it. A decent playlist helps; it doesn't need to audition for the lead role.