Waterproof Sex Blankets: Make a Glorious Mess and Save Your Mattress

You've just changed the sheets. Then you remember what you were hoping to do on them tonight: the lube, the oil, the toy that squirts, and the very real chance that one of you's going to soak the bed. Fuck's sake. Excellent timing.

A waterproof sex blanket goes down before things get messy. Here's the part nobody mentions, though. Once you stop worrying about your mattress, you stop holding back. Use all the lube you want. Let go. Lie in the wet patch and enjoy it.

Blanket or towel?

You spread a towel across the bed and feel wonderfully prepared. Later, you lift it and find the sheet's wet underneath. A waterproof blanket adds a real barrier to stop liquid getting through, whereas a towel only absorbs what it can. A towel's fine for a small, predictable mess. If you keep washing the bedding underneath it, it's time for an upgrade.

Get one that's big enough

A tiny patch of protected bedding isn't much use once two people start changing position. You don't want half your attention on keeping your arse over the safe zone. Measure the area you want covered, allowing for how you actually move.

The Sportsheets Signature Waterproof Blanket is a generous size, with an ultra-soft, plush ribbed texture and a hidden waterproof layer. It's comfortable enough to leave on the bed or the couch, and it just looks like a nice throw.

Planning something truly filthy? Master Series Play Sheets give you three durable, unfitted waterproof sheets, for very little. They're great for oil wrestling, a Nuru massage or anything else you wouldn't want on your good doona.

Choose something you'd lie naked on

The protective layer matters, but so does the bit touching your skin. A blanket can do its job and still be something you never want to use, because it feels like a tarp. Soft surfaces cost more, and plastic sheets are cheap and very slippery, which might be the whole point. Think about warmth, too. If you're already kicking off the quilt, another thick layer might not be what you want.

Put it down before you start

Keep it where you can grab it without emptying the linen cupboard, and spread it flat before you begin. Waterproof doesn't mean non-slip, so reposition it if it bunches. Now use all the lube that feels good, as our guide to how much lube to use suggests, and let the blanket do its job. Massage oil and lube do different jobs, as our massage oil vs lube guide explains, but it'll handle both.

It's also just the thing for squirting and period sex, when you'd like to not think about it at all.

Wash it, dry it, use it again

Follow the care label, and let it dry fully before folding it away. It still needs laundry time, but hopefully less than stripping the whole bed. If a towel already does everything you need, stick with that. If you've had enough of changing sheets after sex, this is for you.

Put it down, make a mess and wash it afterwards. Those fresh sheets can stay a nice thing you did today.