The Hand Job Is Not a Consolation Prize: How to Give a Great One

Somewhere along the line, the hand job got demoted. It's what you do in the back of a car, or when you can't be bothered, or when your jaw's had enough. What a bloody waste. A really good hand job is one of the filthiest things you can do to someone, as you get to watch their face the whole time, and you can do things your mouth could never dream of.

Here's the catch: your partner's been doing this to themselves for years. You're competing with an expert. So let's make you better than that.

Ask for a demo

This is the single hottest piece of research you'll ever do. Ask them to show you how they do it. Sit back, watch their hand, look at the speed, the grip and where their thumb goes, and what they do right before they come. For most people, being watched like that is a massive turn-on, and now you've got the answers to the test. It's called mutual masturbation, and we've got a whole guide on it.

Get wet

A dry hand job's a sad, chafing little event. Use lube, and more than you think. Spit's fine for a quick one, but it dries out fast. For a long session, a silicone lube stays slippery for ages, and Wet Stuff Touch is a silky one that's good for massage too. Warm it up in your hands first. Nobody wants a cold shock right there, unless you've agreed that they do.

One exception: if you're moving on to anything silicone afterwards, use water-based instead. Our lube guide explains why. And if there's a foreskin, it comes with its own glide, so it may not need as much. Move it with the stroke, not against it, and ask what feels good.

How to hold it

Firmer than you think, and softer than you're worried about. Everyone's scared of hurting it, and most people grip too loosely at first. Wrap your whole hand around it, then ask "harder?" until they tell you you've found it. They'll be glad you asked.

Five strokes to try

• The classic. Up and down in one long, smooth stroke, sliding right over the head.
• The twist. Add a gentle turn of your wrist at the top, swirling your palm around the head.
• The two-hander. Stack one hand above the other and go up, then start again at the base with the other hand. It's like an endless ride.
• The palm. Lots of lube, one hand holding the shaft still, and the flat of your other palm rubbing slow circles over the head. Go gently, and be ready for them to lose their mind.
• The ring. Make a tight ring with your thumb and finger, and focus on the ridge just under the head. Short, fast and unfair.

Then, when they start to get close, stop experimenting and stay with what's working. Same speed, same pressure. Don't get creative at the finish line.

Use your other hand

That other hand has a job. Cup the balls gently, press on the perineum, play with nipples, hold their hip down, or get a good handful of hair. Kissing them while you do it is outrageously hot, too. Nobody expects that part, and you can tell them what's about to happen.

Tease them till they beg

Here's what your hands can do that their own can't: stop. Take them right up to the edge, then let go, and watch them swear at you. Wait a bit, and start again. Do it three or four times. It's called edging, and the eventual orgasm can be enormous. Our edging guide has the details.

Try a toy with it

A stroker gives your hand a new texture to work with, and you're still the one in control. The Satisfyer Men Vibration focuses on the head of the cock, so you can use your hands on the shaft and the balls while it does its thing. Or add a slim vibrator, held in your palm, to send a bit of a rumble through everything you're doing.

Common mistakes

• Going too fast, too soon. It's not a race. Slow down, then slow down some more.
• Stopping at the moment they come. Keep going, gently and slower, until they tell you otherwise. Everyone's different, and some people get too sensitive quite quickly.
• Forgetting they're attached to a person. Look at them, and talk to them. Tell them how hot this is.

If it goes soft halfway through, no drama. That happens. A soft cock can still enjoy being touched, so keep going if they'd like you to.

So give the hand job the respect it deserves. Then wash your hands, because you've still got to make dinner.