How to Use a Wand on Someone Else

There's a very specific look on someone's face when they first feel a proper wand. It starts with surprise, then a sort of concerned focus, and then they stop being able to form sentences. Being the person holding that wand is one of the greatest pleasures in life. It's all the fun of having your hands on someone, with the power of a small domestic appliance.

Why a wand?

A wand has a broad, round head and strong, deep vibration, so it can reach across a whole area instead of a tiny spot. That also means you've got room for error, and it's hard to miss. It's easy to hold from outside the action, with a long handle, so your partner's free to lie back and enjoy themselves. Our guide to wand vibrators has all the background. Wands are for external use. Don't go putting the head inside anyone.

The Adam & Eve Her Majesty is a good one for this, with 29 cm of reach, 10 modes and 3 intensity levels each. The Adam & Eve Dew Drop is a smaller, gentler option, with an angled head.

Start nowhere near the good bits

Turn it on at the lowest setting, then start on their shoulder, their back or their thigh. Let them get used to the feeling. Run it down their spine and along the inside of their leg. Hover it over their chest. Everyone likes a warm-up, and it gives them time to think about what's coming. It's a massager too, after all, so go ahead and be nice for a while.

Then work your way in, slowly, without actually getting there. Press it against their underwear. That extra layer takes the edge off, and it's how you find out how much vibration they can handle. Then ask. "Do you want it on your skin?" If they say please, you're doing it correctly.

The golden rule: stay still

You'll want to move it around. Don't. Once you've found the spot and they've started to respond, hold it right there. Steady pressure, at the same speed. No wiggling around. Moving away at that point is like walking out of the movie just before the ending.

Don't press hard, either. A wand doesn't need to be mashed in, and too much pressure can numb things or actually dull the feeling. Let the head rest there, with its own weight. Have your partner guide your hand if they'd like, or better yet, tell you "left", "higher" or "don't you bloody dare".

On a vulva

Don't aim it directly at the clit at first, since many people will find that's far too much. Rest the head over the mound, the labia or just above the clit. Then let the vibration travel. A layer of underwear or a thin towel lets you start gentle. Add a little water-based lube around the head if you want it slippery, and use your other hand or your mouth for everything else. Fingers curled inside while you hold the wand on their clit is about as good as it gets, and you can read about blended orgasms here.

On a penis and balls

Yes, wands are great on cocks too. Try the underside, right below the head, on the frenulum. Press it gently against the shaft while they're lying on their stomach or back. Try it on the balls on a low setting, as they've got opinions, and on the perineum, which is a very pleasant surprise for many people. Hold the head against your own hand, then wrap that hand around the cock, for a softer, indirect feeling. Some attachments are designed for just this purpose, and our wand attachments guide explains how they work.

Make it a game

A wand's a very good toy for anyone who likes being in charge. Try these:

• Take it away right when they're getting close. That's edging, and they'll beg you to stop being so cruel about it.
• Use a blindfold or soft cuffs, so that they can't see what's coming, or get away.
• Keep going after they come, if they've told you that they like it. Here's our guide to that.
• Use it during sex. Hold it against their clit or base while you're going at it. Our vibrator positions guide has more ideas.

A few sensible things

Strong vibration can make your hand go numb after a while, so swap hands. It can also make your partner numb, so give them a break if the feeling starts to fade, and it'll come back soon. Stop if anything's sore. Clean the head after use and between people, and here's how. Wands can be loud, so check our quiet toys guide if you've got thin walls. And let them have a turn on you, so you know what you've been doing to them. It's only fair.