Blended Orgasms: Why Your Clit Wants In on the Action

For decades, people argued about "clitoral" and "vaginal" orgasms as if you had to pick a team. Freud even told women one of them was the grown-up one. He was wrong, and he wasn't exactly an expert on the subject. What plenty of people have since worked out for themselves is that you don't have to pick a side. When you get the outside and inside going at once, you can have what people call a blended orgasm, and those who've had one tend to talk about it the way surfers talk about a really big wave.

What's actually going on

A blended orgasm is simply an orgasm you get from stimulating the clit and the inside of the vagina at the same time, usually the front wall. Here's the fun part: those two places aren't really separate. The clit is a big structure, with legs and bulbs wrapped around the vagina, and much of it's under the skin. So the G-spot area may be partly feeling the clit from the inside. Our clitoris guide shows you the whole thing, and it's bigger than you think.

So a blended orgasm isn't a separate magical event. It's more like everything getting involved at once. People describe it as deeper, longer and more full-body, with a rolling feeling that goes well past the usual sharp peak. Not everyone feels that way, though, and everyone's body has its own opinion.

How to have one

1. Get very, very turned on first. The front wall usually doesn't get interesting until you're aroused and swollen. Going straight for it on a cold start is a good way to feel nothing but a mild need to pee.
2. Start with your clit. Do what you know works, and get yourself most of the way there.
3. Then add inside. Fingers, toy or partner, curling or pressing against the front wall, a few centimetres in. Use firm pressure. It usually wants more than the clit does.
4. Keep both going. This is the hard bit. Don't stop one when the other gets good.
5. Breathe and let go. Lots of people clench everything at the moment of truth. Try bearing down a little and relaxing your pelvic floor instead. It feels strange, and you might feel like you need to pee. That's normal. Put a towel down, and read our squirting guide, just in case.

The best toy for the job

You're after a toy that does both at once, which means a rabbit, and you want a shaft that can get to the front wall and an arm that actually reaches your clit. Fit matters more than features, so look at the shape. Our rabbit vibrator guide explains how to get it lined up.

The Satisfyer G for Goddess 3 is a very good place to start, at 16 cm, with a flexible, ridged shaft you can bend to suit your angle, and a curved clit stimulator. It's rechargeable and comes in at a pretty reasonable $72.95.

If you want to go all out, the Evolved Golden Goddess has a side-to-side flicker built into the shaft, aimed right at the G-spot, along with 7 settings for the flicker and 7 for the vibration. You get separate controls, so you can ride one without the other getting in the way.

Doing it with a partner

Good positions give you room for clit contact while the front wall gets some attention. Try being on top, leaning forward, with a hand or small vibrator on your clit. Coital alignment is another good one, as is using a vibrator during sex. Your partner's mouth on your clit plus two curled fingers inside is hard to beat as well, and we have a whole guide for them.

If it doesn't happen

Then it doesn't happen. Lots of people with clits never have this, and they have a perfectly bloody good time anyway. Most people need clit stimulation to come, which is entirely normal, and there isn't a better or worse kind of orgasm. Freud got that bit very wrong.

Treat it as a fun project rather than a target, because chasing it hard is a great way to ruin the mood. And if you're short of ideas, you've got a whole weekend and a very good excuse. Off you go.