Perineum Play: The Bit Between Your Balls and Your Arse

The bit between your balls and your arse doesn't get much publicity. The penis has an entire industry. The prostate has a fan club. The perineum is sitting between them, apparently waiting for someone to remember it's there.

That patch of skin can be sensitive to touch, and exploring it doesn't have to involve anal penetration. Perineum play is external. If you've been curious but assumed it meant putting something up your bum, there's your first useful correction.

It won't be everyone's favourite, but it deserves a clearer explanation than “press somewhere down there”. Honestly, we can do better than directions to a lost car park.

Where is your perineum?

In everyday sex talk, people usually mean the skin between the scrotum and anus. If you have a vulva, the corresponding patch sits between the vaginal opening and anus. The anatomical perineum includes a broader area and underlying tissues, but that external patch is what this article is discussing.

Nerves in the area help explain why touch there can feel noticeable. That doesn't make it a secret orgasm button. Some people enjoy it; others find it fairly unremarkable. Both are useful things to discover.

If a partner doesn't know the word, describe the actual place. “Between my balls and my arse” is wonderfully difficult to misunderstand. You can learn the anatomy and still speak like a person.

Keep the touch external and gentle

Clean hands, light contact and an unhurried approach give you a sensible starting point. You can explore the external skin without inserting a finger or toy anywhere. More pressure isn't automatically more pleasure.

Notice whether the contact feels pleasant, too much or simply not interesting. If it hurts, goes numb or feels irritated, stop. Persistent pain is something to discuss with a clinician, not something to work around with more determination.

The point is finding out what you like. You haven't enrolled in a course where enjoying every available body part is compulsory.

Get comfortable enough to notice the sensation

Choose a position where you can reach the area without twisting your wrist or holding your breath. Lying back or resting on your side may be easier than trying to inspect yourself while balancing on the edge of the bed.

A mirror can help with finding the spot if you're unsure. It doesn't have to become a lengthy assessment of what you look like from underneath. You came here to explore pleasure, not discover a new angle to criticise.

With a partner, being able to say “lighter”, “there” or “not for me” is more helpful than staying silent and hoping they get lucky. Our guide to talking during sex keeps those small requests straightforward.

An external vibrator is an option

If you already like vibration, a toy designed for external use can offer another kind of contact. A broad head spreads the contact over more skin; a smaller tip concentrates it in a smaller area. Keep the setting low while finding out whether you enjoy it.

You don't need to buy a whole new drawer of equipment first. Our wand vibrator guide explains broad external stimulation, while our finger vibrator guide covers a smaller option. The useful choice is the contact you want, not whose body appears on the packaging.

Keep any toy used here clean, especially before moving it to someone else's genitals. A little attention to cleaning is cheaper than deciding hygiene is tomorrow's problem.

Your perineum isn't your prostate

The prostate is an internal gland. The patch of skin you're touching from outside is not the gland itself, and external perineum play is not the same thing as using a prostate massager.

Our prostate massager guide covers that separate subject. Being interested in external touch doesn't mean you have to move on to anal play. You can enjoy exactly the thing you came to try.

Maybe you've found another place you like being touched. Maybe your perineum would prefer to remain a quiet neighbourhood. Either way, you now know what it is without buying into a miracle-spot sales pitch. Bloody useful.