Forced Orgasms Between Consenting Adults: The Overstimulation Game

You've come. You're done. Your legs are shaking, your clit or the head of your cock's screaming, and you're trying to push the vibrator away and laughing and swearing all at once. And then the person holding it says, "One more." Welcome to the overstimulation game, also known as forced orgasms. Let's be clear about something right away: the "forced" part is a fantasy that you've both carefully agreed on. Nobody's being forced to do anything they haven't enthusiastically signed up for.

What is it?

It's when one partner keeps stimulating the other after they've come, or tries to give them as many orgasms as possible, while they squirm. Often, the receiver's tied up, so they can't get away. The idea's that you've handed over control of your own body's reactions. For the receiver, it's an incredibly intense mix of pleasure, too-much and giving up. For the giver, it's a pretty big power trip.

Many people with vulvas can come again after a while, and our multiple orgasms guide explains how. People with penises often find it extremely intense after they've come, and it's a very different feeling, often referred to as post-orgasm torture. Our guide to male multiple orgasms has more on that.

Negotiate this one very carefully

Because the whole game looks like someone saying "stop", you can't rely on the word "stop". This is really important. In this game, your partner may be saying "no" and "too much" and "I can't" while having the best time of their life. So you need a separate word that means it for real.

• Pick a safeword that isn't "stop" or "no". Use "red" for stop and "yellow" for easing off. Our safeword guide explains how this works. Everyone respects it immediately, with no sulking and no second chances.
• Agree on a signal that doesn't need words, as people often can't speak. Two taps, or dropping something held in the hand, will do.
• Decide on limits in advance. How long? How many? Are restraints involved? What does "too far" look like? Our negotiation guide can help.
• Don't surprise anyone. Keeping going after someone's come, without prior agreement, is not OK. If they try to move away or pull your hand off and you haven't agreed to this, you stop.

How to do it

1. Warm up slowly. Tease them, make them wait, edge them a couple of times, and then let them come.
2. Ease off for a moment, don't stop altogether. Lower the setting, or move the toy to the side a little, or use it over a layer of fabric.
3. Bring it back. Slowly at first. Watch them. Hold them down, if that's been agreed, and tell them how good they are.
4. Keep going, in waves. There's a very fine line between delicious and awful, so go up and down and keep watching.
5. Call it before it's too much. The best sessions end when they're wrecked but still happy, rather than when they're sore and upset.

The right gear

A wand's the classic toy for this, as it has a broad head, plenty of power and a long handle. The Adam & Eve Her Majesty has 30 different combinations of modes and intensities, so you can go right down low, or all the way up. Our guide to using a wand on someone tells you how. If the head's too much, try it through their underwear or a thin towel, or look at our attachments guide.

Soft restraints are a common part of this. The Sportsheets Midnight Muse cuffs have quick-connect clips, so you can release someone fast. Our under-bed restraints guide explains how to tie them to a bed. Keep your hands near the clips, keep shears close by if you're using rope, and don't leave them alone. Do not use restraints with a sex machine. It's far too dangerous, since nobody can stop a machine fast enough if something goes wrong.

Keeping it safe

• Use lots of lube. This is a lot of friction. Anything that feels raw or sore is a reason to stop. Wicked Simply Natural is gentle.
• Watch for numbness. If they've gone numb, stop. It'll come back, but you can't feel what's going on until then.
• Keep breathing. People hold their breath. Remind them. Have water on hand, and don't do this if either of you has been drinking heavily.
• Keep an eye on their heart and their health. If they've got a heart condition or anything else you should know about, ask their doctor first. Stop straight away for chest pain, dizziness, or panic.

Afterwards

This can leave you shaky, tearful, giddy or giggling, sometimes all within five minutes. All of that's normal. Untie them, wrap them in a blanket, get them water and something sweet and stay with them. Our aftercare guide has the details. Check in the next day, and be prepared for some soreness. Then ask them what they thought. They may be a while answering, as they've lost the ability to speak.