Spit, Sweat and Other Fluids: Getting Past the Squeamishness

Sex is wet. We've been told it's all rose petals and soft focus, but anyone who's actually had a good shag knows that by the end, somebody's got spit on their chin, the sheets are damp, and everyone's sweating like they've just carried a fridge up four flights of stairs. Some people pretend that's not happening. Others have realised that's the best part.

Why do fluids turn people on?

Because it's proof. You can fake a moan, but not a wet patch. Sweat, spit and everything else are your body saying "this is really happening". There's something incredibly intimate about it, too. You don't share your spit with just anyone. And for some people, the fact that it's a little bit taboo and a bit dirty is exactly the point. Being allowed to be that messy with someone can feel like a real relief.

Sweat

This is the easy one. Licking the salt off a neck, or burying your face in someone's chest after they've been working in the yard. Many people find their partner's natural smell a big turn-on, and scent plays a real part in attraction. You don't always have to shower first. Try telling them to skip the deodorant, and see what happens. Our heatwave guide has all the sticky details.

Spit

Spit play might mean a very wet kiss. It might mean spitting on your hand before you touch someone, or on a cock during a blowjob. It could mean "open your mouth", said by someone standing over you, and that's a whole different game. For a lot of people, being spat on is a big part of a dominant or degradation scene. For others, it's completely disgusting, and they want no part of it.

Never spit on someone in the face or mouth without talking about it first, because it's the kind of thing that can go very wrong with no warning. In a fight, spitting's assault. In a scene, it needs a yes.

Spit's also a pretty bad lube, by the way. It's fine for a minute, but it dries out quickly, so use something that's made for the job. Wicked Simply Natural is a slick and simple water-based option, and our lube guide has more on how much you'll want.

Cum

Yes, this one's big. Swallowing, spitting, on the chest, on the face, or snowballing, which means passing it mouth to mouth. Some people love seeing it, and tasting it, and others would rather have a towel handy. It's all fine. Ask before you aim it anywhere, particularly at someone's face. It stings like hell in the eyes, too. Also, it's OK to tell your partner that you'd rather not swallow. Taste varies from person to person, and no, pineapple probably isn't going to fix it.

If you'd like a visual aid, ejaculating dildos are a big hit with anyone who loves the idea of it, with none of the health concerns.

Vaginal fluids and squirting

Getting very wet's a great turn-on for many people, and tasting it's a big part of oral. Our oral guide has more on that. If you're someone who squirts, that's not a problem to manage. It's a party. Our squirting guide explains what's going on, and a waterproof blanket means nobody has to worry about the mattress. Period sex also deserves a mention. It can be very hot, and it's great lube, if you don't mind the mess.

Getting past the squeamishness

You might have learned that bodies are dirty and fluids are gross. If that's stopping you enjoying yourself, you can gently change that.

• Take small steps. You don't have to go straight to the most extreme version. Try wetter kisses, or a slippery hand.
• Do it right after a shower, if clean helps you relax. You can get messier later.
• Put down a towel. Once you've stopped worrying about the sheets, you'll have a lot more fun.
• Remember that you don't have to like it. Plenty of people don't, and you aren't a prude for it. Our yes, no, maybe list is a good place to work out what's what.

The health stuff

Body fluids can pass on infections. Semen, vaginal fluids and blood can carry STIs and blood-borne viruses, and even saliva can carry herpes, which is the virus behind cold sores. So get tested regularly, and talk about it. Don't swap fluids with someone you haven't had that conversation with. Keep fluids out of your eyes, away from cuts and open sores, and don't brush your teeth just before oral. Some people are also allergic to semen, which is rare, but it happens. Fluids that aren't on this list, such as urine and faeces, come with extra hygiene and safety issues, so do your homework first, and keep them well away from mouths, eyes and any broken skin.

So next time things get wet, don't reach for a tissue straight away. Have a look at each other. It's a bloody good sign.