Sex in a Heatwave: 40 Degrees and No Aircon

It's 11pm, it's 34 degrees, and the fan's just pushing hot air around the room. You're lying on top of the sheets, starfished, not touching any part of anybody, in case you stick to them. And yet you're both a bit horny, because it's summer, and everyone's been wandering around half naked for a week. This is the great Australian dilemma: you want to fuck, and you also don't want anyone to touch you.

Don't give up. Sex in a heatwave is sticky, slow and honestly pretty great, if you do it right.

Prep the room like a professional

• Keep the sun out all day. Blinds down in the morning saves your evening.
• Freeze a wet towel or a sheet. It's a classic trick. Put one in a plastic bag in the freezer, then lay it on the bed or over your back. You'll feel like a million bucks for about four minutes.
• Put a bowl of ice in front of the fan. It's the poor person's aircon, and it works a bit.
• Use cotton or linen sheets, or get a towel down. Satin's sexy in the movies, and in January, you'll stick to it like a wet tongue on a frozen pole.
• Keep a big glass of water by the bed. You're going to sweat out a lot more than you think. Dehydration's no joke in this weather, and it also makes it harder to get wet or get hard.

Positions that don't need you touching

The trick is to have as little skin in contact as possible, and to move as little as you can get away with. Nobody needs a chest stuck to their back for 20 minutes.

• The T-square. You're at right angles to each other, and the only parts touching are the important ones. It's made for January.
• The edge of the bed. One lies back, and the other stands up, with air moving around everyone. Point the fan at the person doing the work.
• Doggy, with space. It's less skin than missionary, although it's plenty of work for whoever's behind you.
• Mutual masturbation. Lie apart, look at each other and touch yourselves. There's no skin contact at all. You can't beat it at 40 degrees, and it's absurdly hot in the other sense.

Avoid anything that needs a lot of bouncing. That's what's known as a heat stroke risk, and we'd rather you didn't end up on the news. If you feel dizzy, sick or stop sweating, stop, cool off and get some water. In very hot weather, take this seriously, particularly if you're older or have a heart condition.

Ice, you filthy genius

Here's where heat becomes your friend. An ice cube dragged slowly across hot skin will make someone gasp, and it's even better if they can't see it coming. Run it down their spine, across their nipples, along the inside of their thighs. Follow it with your warm mouth, and you'll drive them up the wall. Add a blindfold if you're feeling cruel.

Hold an ice cube in your mouth for a minute before going down on someone, and they'll remember it for a while. Keep it external: ice doesn't go inside anyone, and always keep it moving, since holding it on one spot can hurt the skin.

A cooling lube is an excellent shortcut. JO H2O Cooling is water-based, and gives you a tingly chill that's perfect for a stinking hot night. Try a little first to see if you like it, as some people find it too much on their most sensitive parts. Our guide to warming and cooling lube explains how to use them.

Cold showers aren't a punishment

Have sex in the shower with the water on cool. It's the one place you won't overheat. Our shower sex guide has the safety stuff, and a waterproof toy is a very good investment. The Maia Kona has a pineapple print, a very fierce little motor and a waterproof body. It's the most summery vibrator you'll ever own.

Just remember that water washes natural lubrication away, so bring silicone lube if there's anything going in. A quick dip in the pool sounds romantic too, but here's why pool sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.

The sweat situation

You're going to sweat. Accept it. Sweat can actually be pretty hot, but it can also chafe, so have a towel handy and get yourself some powder for later. Sweaty bits can lead to irritation and thrush, so wear loose cotton undies, change out of wet swimmers and have a quick rinse after sex. And keep your lube out of the sun. A bottle that's been sitting in a hot car isn't a good idea, and neither are condoms left in the glovebox.

And if it's truly too hot, go to the movies. Air conditioning's a very powerful aphrodisiac. Just don't get ideas about the shopping centre carpark. I've got some advice about the law on that.