Still Fancy Them? Keep Flirting in a Long-Term Relationship

You still fancy your partner. Unfortunately, the last three things you've said to them were “Where's the charger?”, “We're out of milk” and something fairly hostile about the fitted sheet.

Long-term relationships give you a lot to talk about. Not all of it sounds like two people who'd quite like to get each other naked. Flirting is a way to show your partner you still fancy them, without booking a romantic retreat or becoming a completely different person.

Tell them they're hot, not just helpful

“Thanks for doing the dishes” is lovely. “You look bloody good in that shirt” does a different job.

Both deserve to be said. But if every compliment is about being useful, your partner could reasonably wonder whether you're attracted to them or simply delighted with the household staffing.

Notice something you genuinely fancy. Their legs, their smile, the way they look just out of the shower. Be specific enough that it sounds like you're looking at them, not reciting a compliment you found online.

You don't need to get poetic. A sincere “You're gorgeous” while you mean it beats a paragraph nobody believes you wrote.

Send a text that isn't about dinner

A message like “You looked so good leaving this morning” takes less effort than explaining where the spare bin bags live. It also gives them a considerably nicer thing to read.

Keep it in your own voice. If you're normally blunt and funny, be blunt and funny. Suddenly writing like a saucy period drama is going to raise questions.

For a partner who enjoys cheeky messages, a little anticipation can travel a long way. Keep it welcome and choose your timing; a sexy text is more fun when they aren't handing their phone to the boss.

Our sexting guide is there if you'd like more ideas. You don't have to send an essay, a photo or anything that makes you cringe at your own screen.

Let the kiss last a little longer

The quick hello kiss has its place. So does the kiss that makes both of you forget what you were about to ask.

You don't need a special occasion for the second kind. When you're both into it, put the phone down and give the kiss some actual attention. Being familiar with someone's mouth doesn't mean every visit needs to be brief.

It doesn't have to lead to sex. Affection gets rather less appealing when every touch arrives with an invoice. Sometimes a lovely kiss is just a lovely kiss, and that's a very decent result.

Use the jokes only you two get

You've got shared history. That's useful material: the ridiculous nickname, the look across a room, the harmless joke that still makes them laugh years later.

A familiar joke can be flirty if it carries a bit of warmth. A dig at their body or a complaint disguised as banter usually isn't. You know the difference when you're on the receiving end.

Let them be funny back. Flirting with someone who knows you well doesn't have to be polished. Half the appeal is that they recognise exactly what you're up to.

Make a night in a little less predictable

If you both fancy it, adult games offer questions and playful prompts that aren't about what to watch next. A game is an excuse to get curious, not an obligation to do every dare in the box.

Or mention a toy you've both been interested in. Shopping together lets the flirtation start before anything arrives. Our guide to talking about sex toys helps you bring it up without making the existing sex sound like a problem.

None of this needs a daily target or a date-night spreadsheet. You're reminding someone you fancy them. That's allowed to be fun.

More ideas for the two of you

• Choosing a couples sex game
• Getting more confident with dirty talk