Long-Distance Toys: Getting Each Other Off From Different Time Zones

You're in Perth. They're in Melbourne, or Manchester, or wherever work's sent them this month. You've done the good morning texts, you've done the awkward video calls where someone's face freezes at the worst possible moment. You love each other, and you're both horny as hell. It'd be bloody great if one of you could reach through the phone.

Well, they can now, more or less. Long-distance sex toys mean your partner can turn you on from the other side of the world, just by moving a slider on their phone. It's a very strange feeling, and it's also unbelievably hot.

How do they work?

An app-controlled toy links to your phone by Bluetooth. Your phone then connects to the internet, and it lets your partner control the toy from their phone, wherever they are. You'll need a decent data connection for this. Our guide to app-controlled toys covers how they work, and this one explains the difference between remotes and apps. A regular remote only works when you're in the same room, so check which one you're buying.

Which one to get

Choose based on what you like.

• For clit lovers: The Satisfyer Pro 2 Gen 4 works with the free Satisfyer Connect app, which includes remote partner control, with both air pulses and vibration. It's a very good way to make somebody stop talking mid-sentence.
• For something you wear: The Satisfyer Top Secret+ is a wearable vibrator with app control and two motors, and our wearables guide has a lot to say on fit. Wear it around the house while they play with the settings from the office. Do be careful where you wear it, though. Nobody at your Monday meeting signed up for this.

Want to give each other something to feel? Get one each. That way, both of you are in the game, and you can take turns being in charge.

How to make it hot, not just technical

The first go is usually a mess, as someone's Bluetooth drops out or someone's phone wants an update. Do a test run first, with your clothes on, and have a laugh about it. Then:

• Make a date. Book it in, and allow for the time difference. Scheduling sex means you've got all day to think about it.
• Tease beforehand. Send a text around lunchtime telling them what you've got planned. Our sexting guide has you covered.
• Use your voice. Audio's often hotter than video. There's nothing to look at, nothing to freeze, and you're not worrying about your double chin. Our dirty talk guide can help.
• Give them complete control. Tell them they're in charge of when you get to come. Our orgasm control guide explains how that game's played, and it works brilliantly over a phone.
• Come together, or try to. It's a nice goal, but it's not an exam.

No toy? No worries

You don't actually need any kit for this. Mutual masturbation works just fine on video, and so does simply telling each other what you're doing. Send your partner a book of sex coupons to redeem when you next see them. Post a worn T-shirt with your scent on it, or a pair of undies. It's a very old trick, and it still works. Or read something filthy aloud to each other. Reading erotica together is a surprisingly good way to spend a Tuesday.

Staying safe with your data

Connected sex toys collect data, and you should think about that. Check what permissions the app wants. Use a strong password, don't share your partner's access with anyone else and update the app when it asks you. It's also worth knowing that apps don't last forever, so check that your toy still works without it.

With any kind of intimate video, there's trust involved. Agree on whether anyone's recording. If you're not sure about somebody, keep your face out of the shot. And if someone's shared your images without your consent, or threatens to, that's not on, and eSafety can help you get them taken down.

When to expect a bit of a slump

Long-distance sex has its ups and downs, and there'll be days when you feel lonelier after a video call than you did before. That's normal, so tell them. Being in love over a bad connection isn't easy. Keep something on the calendar, since a date you're counting down to is the most powerful aphrodisiac there is. And when you finally get to see each other, don't expect fireworks in the first ten minutes. You may need a little time to get used to being in the same room again. Take your time. And when you're ready, leave the phones in the other room.