Want It Shallower? Positions That Let You Decide How Deep It Goes

"Deeper" gets plenty of enthusiastic publicity. "Actually, a bit less of that" deserves a place in the conversation too. And here's a secret: the entrance is packed with nerve endings, so shallow, teasing strokes can feel fucking incredible. Plenty of people prefer them, and a slow slide of the head in and out can be far hotter than anything else.

Shallower sex is a preference, not a problem to overcome. The best position is the one that lets the person receiving choose the depth and change their mind whenever they like, whatever the reason.

Get on top

When the person receiving is on top, they decide how far and how fast. Your partner stays still while you find your range, sliding down only as far as you want. Keep it small to start with, and tell them if you want them to stay still, as they might not realise you're being careful. Our on-top sex guide covers support. If your knees or hips ache, choose something else.

Lie on your sides

Spooning lets the bed take your weight, and that makes it easy to keep movements small. Keep your legs closer together and your hips further apart, and the angle tends to stay shallow all by itself. It's not guaranteed, as your alignment and movement still decide what happens, so start gently and give clear feedback.

"That's far enough" gives your partner something definite to work with. You can be very keen on the sex and very specific about its limits at the same time. It's hot to be told exactly what someone wants.

Change the movement first

A smaller range of movement may be all you need. Pausing, changing your hip angle or switching positions can move the pressure as well. Change one thing at a time, so you can tell which one helped. If you change the angle, speed and depth at once, you won't know which one was good and which one made you wince.

And the person receiving is in charge here. A great view isn't a reason to ignore the person providing it.

Try a shorter toy

You don't have to use a dildo's whole length, but a shorter one's much easier to control. The REALROCK Crystal Clear 5" has a short shaft, and it can stick down or be held. Our dildo size guide explains total vs insertable length. Don't add household objects as depth stops, and don't alter a toy's base. Liking a shorter one isn't settling. It's choosing what you actually want inside you.

Focus on the front

With depth taken care of, spend more time on the good bits near the surface. Short strokes with the head, a G-spot toy or fingers curling just inside, and plenty of attention to the clit can be so satisfying you'll wonder why anyone made such a fuss about going deep. Our G-spot guide explains where to look.

If penetration hurts

Lube can help with friction, but it won't fix every cause of pain. Don't use numbing products to push through. If pain keeps coming back, or you can't explain it, see a doctor or a pelvic-health physio. They've heard it all before, and you deserve to have it sorted.

You can also choose sex without penetration, and there's plenty of pleasure in that. Your body doesn't have to accommodate every inch just because it happens to be there.