Non-Penetrative Sex: Who Said Anything Had to Go In?

You're having a fantastic time with hands, mouths and a vibrator, and then somebody assumes it's time to move on to the "proper" sex. Hang on. What the fuck was wrong with this? You were moaning. They were shaking. Who decided that was just the warm-up?

Non-penetrative sex can be the whole plan. Kissing, grinding, touching, licking, watching each other and playing with toys all give you more than enough to work with, and plenty of people find they come much more easily without anything going inside them at all.

Face to face, hands everywhere

Lie on your sides facing each other, with room for your arms. You can stay close for kissing, then move apart a little for your hands. Or lie on top of each other, clothes on or off, and grind. Dry humping is seriously underrated between grown adults.

Touch doesn't have to follow a set route. Show your partner what you like, ask for a change of pressure or guide their hand. They're much more likely to get it right when you tell them. If an arm starts to ache, swap sides. Nobody's losing points for moving a pillow.

Watch each other

Lie back beside each other, and each do what you do best. It's an incredibly intimate and very hot thing to watch someone get themselves off, and it teaches you far more than a thousand polite questions. Talk about what you're doing, what you're thinking about or what you'd like to be doing to them. Our mutual masturbation guide has more ideas.

Take turns

One of you lies back while the other uses their hands, mouth or a toy. Taking turns means you don't need to coordinate two rhythms, and you can give it all your attention. Be specific: slower, lighter, a little to the left. And when it's exactly right, say so. "Keep fucking doing that" is a very useful sentence.

Bring in some toys

An external toy adds another feeling without making penetration part of the plan. Try the Lickgasm Lusty Licker for its soft kissing action, or browse our clitoral vibrators for other shapes. Let the person getting it choose the place and intensity. Then try grinding together with a bullet between you, so you both get some. Our couples toy guide can narrow it down.

You can use a blindfold and a feather as well. It's amazing how long you can stay busy without taking anything off.

A quick word on protection

Non-penetrative sex can still transmit STIs through some skin contact or fluid transfer, so use suitable barriers and clean any shared toys. Keep semen away from the vulva if pregnancy's a concern.

Finish when you want to finish

You don't need matching orgasms or penetration to prove the night counted. Stop, cuddle, have a drink or keep going with something else you both want. If you want less effort as well, try our low-effort positions.

Keep the bit that feels good. It was never merely the warm-up.