Sex Without Penetration: Positions That Still Deserve a Place in Bed

Somewhere along the way, sex acquired a main event and everything else got demoted to the warm-up.

That is a very narrow programme for an activity with this many possibilities.

Non-penetrative sex can be the whole evening. It can also be what you choose on a particular day because you prefer it, you're tired or penetration simply isn't appealing. You don't owe anyone a more impressive reason.

Face to face, with room to relax

Lying on your sides facing each other makes conversation and closeness easy to keep in the picture. Leave enough space to move your arms rather than folding yourselves into one compact parcel.

Kissing and touch don't need to be treated as steps towards something else. Ask what your partner enjoys, notice whether you're both comfortable and let the activity be what it is.

If someone wants more space, it doesn't mean the mood has left the building. It may mean their shoulder would like its circulation back.

Side by side works too

A supported reclining arrangement can suit shared touch or mutual masturbation. Each person can keep control over their own comfort and explain preferences without trying to coordinate a complicated position.

There is no obligation to watch, perform or finish together. Some people enjoy the shared experience; others prefer different boundaries. Talk about that before assuming being together means every option is welcome.

Sitting close without balancing

You can sit beside each other on a stable bed or suitable seat. Supporting yourselves separately gives you room to move and avoids treating anyone's lap as compulsory furniture.

Keep the arrangement simple enough that both people can change their minds, change position or get up. The ability to leave comfortably is part of feeling comfortable in the first place.

A toy can join without taking over

An external vibrator can be used as part of the activity when you both want it. Let the person receiving the sensation guide placement and intensity. A toy that felt brilliant alone may need a different setup with a partner.

Our guide to choosing sex toys together is a useful starting point. Browse the clitoral stimulators by shape and controls rather than assuming the most elaborate model will provide the most enjoyable evening.

Non-penetrative doesn't automatically mean no sexual-health considerations. Fluid transfer, skin contact and shared toys can still matter. Use appropriate barriers where relevant, change them between people or body sites and keep shared toys clean.

Let the evening finish where it finishes

You don't need to add penetration to make the experience count. You don't need matching orgasms, either. If you both enjoyed yourselves and respected each other's boundaries, nothing is missing from the paperwork.

The question afterwards can simply be, "Would you like to do that again?" A happy yes is a better review than whether you followed somebody else's running order.