Spooning Sex: Get Close Without Getting Tangled

Spooning sex starts with a familiar arrangement: both of you on your sides, facing the same way, one person behind the other. It's close, it leaves plenty of skin within reach, and nobody has to hold a heroic pose to keep things interesting.

The catch is that two horny people still have elbows. Get those sorted and the rest becomes much less of a bloody tangle.

Leave room for your arms

The person behind can bring their lower arm forward or rest it somewhere comfortable rather than trapping it beneath their partner. The person in front also needs enough space to move a hand without wrestling the mattress.

Bring your bodies close enough to enjoy contact, but don't squeeze yourselves together so tightly that nobody can adjust. You want a partner against you, not a determined attempt to become one person.

Support your head at a comfortable height. If the pillow makes your neck bend awkwardly, swap it or move it before you settle.

Move your hips before adding more effort

If you're including penetration, alignment matters. Shift one body slightly higher or lower on the bed, change the distance between your hips or adjust the bend in your knees. Small changes can be more useful than trying to push through an angle that isn't working.

The receiving partner should be comfortable with both depth and movement. Start gently, use suitable lube and stop if it hurts. A position isn't improved by stubbornness.

Your heads don't need to line up perfectly. If there's a big difference in height, let the hips determine where you settle. Our height-difference guide has more ideas for fitting two different bodies together.

Give your hands something enjoyable to do

Spooning can include kissing, stroking and external stimulation with no penetration at all. One person can guide the other's hand, or use their own hand while their partner stays close.

That can also make it easier to keep the pressure where you want it. A quiet “there” is more helpful than hoping your partner can read your mind through the back of your head.

Add a vibrator without losing your grip

A bullet vibrator can fit into the space between your hand and your body, but a tiny toy isn't always the easiest to hold. Choose a shape whose controls remain reachable in the position you're using.

Let the person receiving the stimulation position it first, then hand over if you both want. Our bullet vibrator guide explains the different shapes and uses.

Change sides before something goes numb

A pillow between the knees may help you settle, or you might prefer a little more space between your legs. Move if a shoulder aches, an arm tingles or the position starts feeling cramped.

And if you're getting too warm, separate for a minute. You can fancy someone enormously and still need them to stop roasting your back. Our low-effort sex ideas offer other comfortable options when spooning has had its turn.