Pool and Spa Sex: Why Water Isn't the Lube You Think It Is

In the movies, sex in a pool looks like two beautiful people gently floating towards ecstasy under a tropical moon. In real life, it's a bit like trying to thread a needle in a washing machine. You keep floating away from each other. It's oddly dry. Somebody's got chlorine in their eye. Your bum's scraped raw from the tiles. And the next day, you've got a very itchy problem you're going to have to explain to a pharmacist. Water sex can still be great fun, but you need to know a few things.

Water's not a lubricant

You'd think that being underwater would make things slippery. It does the opposite. Water washes away your natural lubrication, along with any water-based lube you've put on. Add friction, and it can get sore very fast, with small tears that make it easier to pick up infections.

The fix is silicone lube, which doesn't wash off as easily. Wet Stuff Touch stays slippery under water, and it's compatible with condoms. Put it on before you get in. Be careful with silicone lube on hard surfaces like tiles, though, as it's extremely slippery. Keep it away from silicone toys, too. Our lube guide explains why.

What the water can do to you

• Chlorine and chemicals. Pool chemicals can irritate your vulva, your vagina or your urethra. This can upset the balance of your vagina, leading to soreness, thrush or BV. Our guide to thrush, BV and UTIs tells you what to look out for. Pushing pool water inside you isn't a great idea.
• Spa bacteria. Warm water suits bacteria, too. A badly maintained spa can give you a skin rash, or something worse. Use one you know is properly looked after.
• Heat. A hot spa can make you dizzy, faint or dehydrated, especially after a drink. Keep it to short stretches, and get out if you feel unwell. Heart problems, low blood pressure and pregnancy are all reasons to check with your doctor first. High temperatures can also temporarily reduce sperm count, but that's no contraceptive.
• Sea water. It can sting, and there's sand, and everything else. Our beach sex guide covers that side of things.

Condoms in water

Yes, you can still get pregnant, and you can still catch an STI in a pool. The chlorine isn't going to help. Condoms are less reliable in water, as they can slip off, and chemicals can weaken them. You also won't notice if something's gone wrong. If you need protection, it's best to get out of the water. Here's what to do if a condom fails.

Whose pool is it?

Public pools and spas are off limits, and it isn't just about the law. Other people are swimming in it. Hotel spas count as public, too, and they've usually got cameras. The same rules apply as for any public sex, so read our guide before you get any ideas. Your own pool's fine, as long as nobody can see you from next door or from a two-storey house over the back fence. Remember those satellite images, too.

How to do it better

Keep penetration out of the water. That's the real secret. Use the water for all the fun bits, like kissing, floating and getting each other worked up. Then sit on the edge or on the steps, so everything that matters is above the water line. It's much easier, and it's a lot safer.

• Pool steps. One sits on a step, with the other standing in front of them. The height's often just about right.
• The edge of the pool. One person sits on the edge, with a folded towel under them, while the other stands in the water. It's also perfect for oral. Here's a guide to that.
• Floating. In the shallow end, a person can wrap their legs around someone who's standing. Water takes the weight off, so it's a good way of having standing sex without wrecking your back.
• Hands. Being touched underwater can feel fantastic, and nothing needs to go inside anyone.
• Toys. A properly waterproof toy can be a great addition, such as the Maia Kona. Check that it's really waterproof, and here's what the ratings mean. Keep it clean afterwards, as chlorine's not good for your toy. The spa jets have their own fans, too. Keep them on the outside, as water should never be forced inside you.

Staying safe

• Don't drink too much. Alcohol and water are a very dangerous combination. Never go in alone or while heavily intoxicated.
• Watch your head. Tiles are hard, and wet surfaces are slippery, particularly with lube around.
• Shower afterwards. Rinse off the chlorine, have a pee and get into something dry. Sitting around in wet bathers isn't good for you.
• Don't go back in with lube on. It's not fair on the pool filter, and it's not fair on whoever swims next.

So save your soggy dreams for the movies. Get in the water to get warmed up. Then get out, get on a towel and get on with it. Your bits will thank you, and so will the pool guy.