Sex Position of the Week: Missionary, Which Is Not Boring, You Are

They've spent the whole night telling everyone at the barbecue how sensible you are. You've got a mortgage. You recycle. And right now, you've got both of their wrists pinned above their head in one hand, your mouth about a centimetre from theirs, and you're asking, very quietly, whether they'd like to tell the nice people what they begged for last Tuesday.

Missionary's the position everyone calls vanilla, usually right before they find out what it can do with someone holding them down and looking them dead in the eye.

How to do it

One of you lies on your back with your knees bent. The other lies over you, between your legs, holding their weight on their forearms or hands. Go slowly at first, and find the angle. That's the basic version, and it's the version that most people stop at. Don't stop there.

Why it's so bloody good

• The closeness. Chest to chest, mouth to mouth, hands everywhere. It's the most intimate thing on this list.
• The eye contact. Terrifying for about thirty seconds, and then very hot indeed.
• The easy changes. It takes just one small move to get something completely different.
• The low effort for one of you. Lie back. Say what you want. Repeat.

Make it even better

Here are the tweaks that do the most work:

• Lift the hips. Slide a pillow under your bum, or use something built for the job, like the Pivot Inflatable Positioner.
• Wrap your legs around them. It changes the angle, and it pulls them in.
• Grind instead of thrust. Get them to move up the body a little and rock rather than pump, so that their pubic bone is against your clit. The coital alignment technique is this idea, with a fancier name.
• Add a ring. The Fun Factory Speed Date puts vibration right where bodies meet, so that you both get something out of it.

Make it kinkier

Pin their wrists, then make them keep eye contact, and stop moving every time they look away. It's astonishing what that does to people. Want it to stay that way without your arm going numb? Soft cuffs do the job, and they'll know exactly who's in charge. Check in as you go, and make sure they can get out quickly. Our dom and sub guide is a good place to start.

If it's not quite working

If the person on top gets sore arms, they can drop to their elbows, or kneel up and hold your hips instead. A big belly, a bad back or a big height difference all have easy fixes, as our missionary comfort guide and our plus-size positions guide explain. And none of this needs a penis. A strap-on works just as well, so check out our strap-on positions guide.

That's missionary. It's a classic because it works. Try it with the lights on. See you next week.