Strap-On Positions for Beginners: Where to Put Your Knees and Your Cock

The harness is on and the cock's in place. They're lying back on the bed looking up at you with that expression, and you think, right, this is going to change the evening.

Then you move towards them and realise that owning a strap-on doesn't teach you where to put your knees. That's normal. Thrusting with a cock you can't feel takes a little practice, and getting there together is half the fun. Here are three good places to start.

First, get your gear settled

Fit the harness snugly enough to keep the dildo steady without digging in, and move around in it first so you know where the toy sits. Our harness guide covers the setup. Have your lube within reach, and get them nice and worked up before you start.

Face to face: watch them take it

They lie back with a pillow under their hips, knees up. You kneel between their legs and support yourself over them, with nobody's weight crushing anybody. This is the best one to start with because you can see each other's faces, and there's nothing better than watching theirs change as you push in.

Let them guide you in with a hand, and let them decide how deep you go. You can't feel what the dildo's doing, so ask. "Lower?" and "Harder?" work wonders. Hoping you'll find the right angle through sheer enthusiasm is a lot less reliable. And when your thighs get tired, it's a great excuse to lean down for a kiss.

Spooning: slow, deep and lazy

You both lie on your sides facing the same way, with you behind. The bed takes your weight, so this one's easy on your knees and your back. It also leaves you with a free hand for their nipples, their clit or their cock, which they'll very much appreciate.

You may have to shuffle up or down the mattress to get the angle right, so don't force your hips together. Short, slow strokes work best here. Reach around and hold them close while you take your time.

From behind: bend them over

This is the one you've been picturing. They get on all fours, or lie face down with pillows under their hips, and you position yourself behind them. It gives you the hottest view in the house and a very good grip on their hips.

Make sure their wrists, knees and lower back aren't straining, and check in more often, since you can't see their face. They set the depth, and either of you can stop it. Feeling bossy is great, but it's no substitute for knowing how they're feeling. Tell them to tell you when you've got it right. Or to say so loudly.

Later on, if someone's begging for more, a big set like the Master Series Big Balls gives you 25.9 cm of realistic silicone and a harness to hold it. That's a conversation for when you've both got your bearings.

Going anal? Choose a dildo made for it, with a flared base. Use lots of lube, go slower than you think you need to, and clean the toy or change its condom before you change holes or people.

Keep your first go simple

One comfortable position is plenty. Stop to kiss, use your hands, or take it off and do something else entirely if that's where things go. If your harness starts sliding, our slipping harness guide can help, and our beginner's guide covers the basics.

When you're ready for something new, the strap-on range is waiting. Laugh when you bump into each other, then get back to it. It won't take long before you stop thinking about your knees altogether.