Strap-On Positions for Beginners: Find Your Fit Together

The harness is on. The dildo is attached. You look down and think, right, this is going to change the evening.

Then you move towards your partner and realise that owning a strap-on doesn't automatically teach you where to put your knees. That's normal. A good first position gives you steady support, a comfortable angle and enough room to make adjustments without either of you pretending to be an expert.

Get the harness settled first

Fit the harness snugly enough to keep the dildo steady without digging into you. Move around before partnered use so you know where the toy sits and whether the straps shift.

The dildo and harness need a compatible attachment system. Our strap-on harness guide covers that choice. Here, the job is getting two bodies comfortable around the setup you've chosen.

Start face to face

The receiving partner can recline while the wearer kneels or supports themselves above, with neither person's weight pressing uncomfortably on the other. Seeing each other's faces makes requests and pauses easier to communicate.

Let the receiving partner guide alignment and comfortable depth. The wearer can't feel everything the dildo is doing, so spoken feedback matters. “A little lower” is useful. Quietly hoping they'll discover the right angle through sheer enthusiasm is less reliable.

Start gently with suitable lube. There's no prize for making the first attempt look smooth. The occasional pause to move a leg is allowed to be funny.

Try side-lying for more support

Both people lie on their sides, facing the same way, with the wearer behind. The bed supports much of your weight, though the dildo's position and your body proportions determine whether the angle works.

Shift higher or lower on the mattress rather than forcing your hips together. Leave space for a hand to guide the toy and for either person to move away.

If the harness keeps slipping, stop and refit it. Our slipping harness guide helps you find the cause instead of simply tightening every strap until you regret it.

Use support for rear-entry positions

The receiving partner can face away with their upper body supported, while the wearer positions themselves behind. Choose support that doesn't leave wrists, knees or the lower back straining.

Because faces are less visible, keep talking. The receiving partner sets the comfortable depth, and either person can stop the movement. A bossy mood is no substitute for knowing how your partner feels.

For anal use, choose a dildo intended for it with a flared base or other reliable external stop. Clean the toy or change its condom before changing people or body sites.

Keep the first go simple

One comfortable position is plenty. You can pause for kissing, use your hands or decide the strap-on has had enough of the spotlight for now.

Our beginner strap-on guide covers the broader basics, and the strap-on dildo range helps if you want a different shape or size later. First, find out what you both like. The dildo doesn't need to run the whole bloody evening.