Missionary Sex: There's a Reason Everyone Keeps Coming Back to It

Missionary gets called boring by people who are convinced good sex needs a complicated name and a hamstring injury. Meanwhile, the rest of us are enjoying someone's whole weight pressing into us, their mouth on our neck, and the look on their face when they're about to come. It's an old favourite for a very good reason.

The basics are simple: face to face, with one person lying back and the other on top. What happens from there comes down to support, angle and pace, and a few small changes can turn it into the best position you've got.

Hold yourself up without squashing them

The person on top needs a comfortable way to take their weight. Hands, forearms and knees can all share the load. If your wrists are already complaining, drop to your forearms and get closer. Trying to look effortlessly sexy while one arm shakes uncontrollably is a tough acting job.

The person below needs room to breathe, move and adjust their legs. Our guide to taking pressure off wrists and knees has alternatives if holding yourself up is the hard part.

Change the angle, change everything

A small pillow under the hips tilts everything and can change where they hit you. Start with one, rather than building a tower of bedding. Your legs make a huge difference as well. Knees bent with your feet flat is one thing. Legs wrapped around their back is another. Ankles over their shoulders is a whole other conversation, so only go there if it feels good, as more depth isn't automatically better.

Make one change, then see how it feels. If it hurts, stop, and if pain keeps happening, talk to a health professional instead of trying to tough it out. Our guide to controlling depth can help, too.

Make room for the clit

Penetration alone doesn't get everyone there, and missionary can be stingy with clit contact. So make space for a hand or an external vibrator, and treat it as part of the main event, not a backup plan.

Slip a small clitoral vibrator between you, or try a vibrating cock ring like the Fun Factory Speed Date, so that every grind lands in the right place. Our guide to using a vibrator during sex has more ideas.

Find a pace and stick to it

A steady rhythm can be just as hot as changing speed. If something's working, don't abandon it because you think the night needs more variety. Keep doing exactly that. Some people love small rocking movements with lots of body contact, and our coital alignment guide explores that. Others want space, and a good hard pounding. You'll know.

Enjoy being face to face

This is what you came for. Kiss, talk dirty, grab their arse and pull them in. Close your eyes or look right at them. Laugh when something awkward happens. Eye contact can be incredibly hot, though a prolonged staring contest is a separate hobby.

A clear "slower", "stay there" or "fuck, don't stop" gives your partner something useful to work with. Keep what you love and change what you don't. There's nothing boring about that.