Antidepressants Killed Your Libido? You're Not Broken

You started taking antidepressants, and things got better. You're sleeping, you're getting out of bed, and you can get through the day. And then, one night, you realise that you can't remember the last time you felt horny. Or you're trying to come, and it's like reaching for something on a very high shelf. That's a really common side effect. It isn't your fault, it's not a sign you've stopped loving your partner, and you don't have to choose between your mental health and your sex life without talking to someone about it.

What's going on?

Many commonly prescribed antidepressants, particularly SSRIs and SNRIs, change the levels of serotonin in your brain. That can help with your mood. It can also affect desire, arousal and orgasm. People report:

• Not feeling interested in sex
• Taking much longer to come, or not being able to at all
• Less sensitivity in their genitals
• Difficulty getting or keeping an erection, or getting wet
• Orgasms that feel muted, or a bit like a sneeze that never quite happens

Keep in mind that depression and anxiety can affect your libido too, along with stress, tiredness and a difficult relationship. It's not always the tablets. It can be hard to untangle, and that's something your doctor can help with.

First: don't just stop taking them

Please don't stop your medication suddenly, or skip doses to try to get your libido back, without talking to your prescriber. Stopping suddenly can cause withdrawal symptoms, and your depression or anxiety could come back. If you're feeling worse, or you've had thoughts of harming yourself, talk to someone straight away. You can call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, and call 000 in an emergency.

What to ask your doctor

This can be a hard conversation to start. Doctors don't always ask about sex, so you might need to raise it. You can try: "My mood's better, but this medication's affecting my sex life, and that matters to me. What are my options?" It's a very normal thing to raise. Options that your doctor might talk through with you include:

• Waiting. Some side effects ease after the first few weeks or months.
• Changing the dose. Sometimes a lower dose can help, if it's safe for you.
• Switching medication. Different antidepressants have different side effect profiles, and some are less likely to cause these problems.
• Adding something. Sometimes, another medication can help. For example, some treatments for erections can help with that specific issue.
• Psychological therapy. It might be helpful alongside medication, or instead of it for some people.

Don't try to work this out with supplements from the internet. Some of them interact with antidepressants, including St John's wort, which can be dangerous in combination. Tell your doctor and pharmacist what you're taking.

A small number of people report sexual side effects that continue after stopping their medication. If this happens to you, it's something to raise with your doctor too, and you deserve to be taken seriously.

What you can do at home

Give yourself more time. If it takes you much longer to get there, that isn't a failure. Plan for it. Don't try to squeeze this into a quick moment before bed, and let go of the goal of coming every time. Our guide to orgasm pressure explains why chasing it can get in the way.

Try stronger stimulation. If you've got less sensation, a stronger toy can really help. A wand's a good choice, as it has broad, deep vibration. The Adam & Eve Her Majesty has plenty of power, and our wand guide explains how they work. Air pulse toys feel different too, and that might help. The Fun Factory MEA is an inexpensive way of finding out. Be gentle with yourself, as more pressure can cause soreness.

Use lube. If you aren't getting as wet as you used to, this can make a big difference. Wicked Simply Natural is a gentle choice.

Don't wait for desire. Many people find that they only feel like it after things have started. That's known as responsive desire, and it's normal, on medication or off. Scheduling time together can help, but only if it's something you actually want. You never have to have sex to keep someone happy.

Time it, if your doctor agrees. Some people find they feel a bit different at certain points during the day. Morning's often good. Our morning sex guide might help.

Enjoy touch for its own sake. You can kiss and be close without it having to lead anywhere. It's a real part of intimacy, and it counts.

Talking to your partner

If your partner doesn't know about this, they may be taking it personally. You don't have to go into detail. "It's my medication, not you. I still love you and I find you attractive. I'm working on it with my doctor" can take a huge weight off you both. Our guide to mismatched sex drives has some ideas for how to handle it together. A sex therapist or counsellor can help, too.

You deserve both a mind that feels OK and a sex life that you enjoy. It may take some time to get there, but it's a reasonable thing to ask for.

This is general information, not medical advice. Please talk to your doctor or pharmacist about your medication.