Vulva Mapping: Getting to Know Your Own Bits With a Mirror

You've probably spent more time looking at the bottom of your shoes than you have at your own vulva. Plenty of adults have never had a good look, or know exactly what's what down there, and there are lots of us who couldn't draw a clitoris if our lives depended on it. It's a very strange situation, given how much fun it all is. So grab a mirror and a cup of tea. You're about to get a guided tour of your best asset.

What's vulva mapping?

It's a simple exercise for finding out what's on your vulva, and how each part feels. You look, then touch, and you take note of what you like. It's something sex therapists often suggest. It helps you tell a partner what you want, helps you get to know what's normal for your own body, and it might help you find a whole new favourite spot.

Getting set up

Find a time when you won't be interrupted, and get comfortable. Prop yourself up on some pillows with your knees bent, and hold a hand mirror between your legs. Good light helps. Wash your hands, trim your nails and keep some water-based lube close by. It's fine if you feel silly, nervous or even a bit grossed out at first. Plenty of us have been taught to feel that way. Go slow.

The tour

• Mons pubis: The soft mound at the top, with or without hair.
• Outer labia: The fleshy outer lips. They can be plump or flat, and they come in all colours.
• Inner labia: The inner lips, which may be tucked away or hang well past the outer lips. Often, one side's longer. They can be pink, brown, purple or a bit of everything. All of that's normal.
• Clitoral hood: The fold of skin at the top, where the inner lips meet.
• Clitoris: The small nub under the hood, and it's just the tip. The rest extends inside your body, with legs and bulbs. Our clitoris guide shows you how big it really is.
• Urethra: The tiny hole you pee from, just below the clit.
• Vaginal opening: Below that. It might be closed up or gaping a little, and that's fine.
• Perineum: The patch of skin between your vagina and your anus. Plenty of nerves here. Our guide explains more.

Now take a good look. Notice the colours and the folds. Yours won't look like anyone else's, and it's definitely not meant to look like the ones you've seen online. Some of those have been surgically altered, and some digitally smoothed. If it helps, look up the Labia Library, an Australian project from Women's Health Victoria, and you'll see just how much variety there is.

Make your map

Now, touch each area in turn, and pay attention to how it feels. Try these for each part:

• A light touch with a fingertip, then a firmer press
• Circles, then up and down, then side to side
• Stroking through the skin of the hood, then directly (with lube)
• Gentle tugging or pressing, on the lips
• A slow circle around the opening. Then, if you want to, go inside and press up on the front wall

Rate each out of ten, if you like, or just notice what you enjoy. You don't have to be turned on, and you don't have to come. It's not a test. It might feel totally different on another day, or at a different time of the month, and that's useful information too.

Bring in a toy

Try a small vibrator on the lowest setting, in all the same places. The Maia Indi has a nice small textured bulb that's good for this, or try a finger vibrator like the Maia Kiko, as you can feel exactly what's happening. Our first vibrator guide has more ideas.

Share what you've found

Now you've got something very useful: actual information. "I like it just above the left side, in small circles" is a lot easier to say than "um, do that thing". You could also show a partner, or do this together, as there are few things hotter than being shown exactly how someone likes to be touched. Then send them to our oral guide and our fingering guide.

When to see a doctor

This is a great way to get to know what's normal for you, so that you'll notice if anything changes. See your GP about any lumps, sores, ulcers, unusual discharge, itching that won't go away, pain or bleeding. If touching yourself or having sex is painful, here's our guide on what can help. You should also keep up with your cervical screening tests.

And if you're looking in the mirror and thinking you might want surgery to change how you look, talk to your GP first, and maybe have a look at that Labia Library. Your vulva's almost certainly more normal than you think. Plus, it's been waiting a long time to meet you.