Your First Vibrator: Buy the One That'll Make You Late for Work

Your first vibrator has one job: get you off so well that you start cancelling plans. The shop will throw rabbit ears, glowing buttons and something resembling a karaoke microphone at you, but you only need to answer one question. How do you already like being touched?

Answer that honestly and picking a toy gets easy. Then you can get on with the fun part, which is lying back with the door locked and finding out what your body has been waiting for.

Start with what already gets you off

If your hand heads straight for your clit, buy something external. If you love being filled, go for something that slides inside. Want both at once, you greedy thing? That's rabbit territory.

You don't need the smallest toy in the shop because you're new. Nobody hands out medals for starting tiny. Buy for the sex you actually want to have.

Bullet vibrators: small, sneaky and surprisingly filthy

Picture Sunday morning, nowhere to be, and a bullet vibrator sitting exactly where you want it. There's no shaft to line up and no arm to aim, just tight, focused vibration on your clit that you can tease yourself with for as long as you can stand it.

The Maia KONA is a great place to start. It's wrapped in smooth silicone, fully waterproof, and behind that cheeky pineapple print sits a seriously strong motor, so take it into the bath and see how long you last. Bullets also slip easily between two bodies during sex, which means your partner gets to feel it and take some of the credit.

Wands: big, deep and hard to walk away from

A wand vibrator is for when you want your whole vulva in on the action. Lie back, rest that big head over your underwear and let the vibration spread until your thighs start shaking. It feels less like a tap on the shoulder and more like being pinned to the mattress. Wand heads stay on the outside, so keep it there and enjoy the view.

The Satisfyer Wand-er Woman is the full-size, cancel-your-afternoon option, with a velvety silicone head and plenty of power behind it. Want something you can take into the shower instead? The Maia INDI squeezes 3 speeds and 9 patterns into a textured mini that's happy under running water.

Classic vibrators and rabbits: when you want filling up

A classic vibrator is one shaft, plenty of rumble and total freedom over the angle. Slide the Passion Play Classic in slowly, tip the curve towards your belly button and work through its 21 low-frequency patterns until one of them makes you stop breathing for a second.

A rabbit vibrator adds an arm for your clit, so you get worked from both sides at once. The Satisfyer Pearl Bunny 2 goes further, with pearls rolling around inside you while the arm vibrates against your clit. It's a lot, in the best possible way. The gap between shaft and arm is fixed and bodies aren't, so if yours doesn't line up, hold a bullet on your clit instead. Our rabbit vs bullet guide can help you choose.

Air-pulse toys: the ones that feel a bit like a mouth

Air-pulse toys sit over your clit and throb waves of pressure around it, with no vibrating surface pressing against you. Plenty of people compare it to oral, and plenty of them come embarrassingly fast. If you've ever wanted a tongue that never gets tired, this is the closest the toy drawer gets.

The Fun Factory MEA is a small, soft way to find out if you're one of them. Others try air pulse and go straight back to vibration, and that's fine too. Your clit gets the final vote. Our air pulse vs vibration guide compares the two.

Before it comes home with you

Pick controls you can work one-handed, without looking, when you're nearly there. Nothing ruins a good build-up like clicking through a dozen patterns to find the one you were just enjoying.

Rechargeable means charging it before you need it, and battery-powered means keeping spares in the drawer. If the vibration turns out to be too intense, there are easy fixes, so don't give up on it. Using a silicone toy? Pair it with a good water-based lube, because wetter is almost always better.

Now pick one, charge it and lock the door.