You've found a toy you fancy. You've imagined bringing it to bed. You've even picked the colour. Now all you need is to say eight words: “Fancy trying a sex toy together sometime?”
Somehow, that bit has no Add to cart button.
It doesn't need a grand announcement, though. You're sharing a sexy idea with someone you fancy, not defending a thesis on rechargeable rabbits.
Bring it up while you're both relaxed
A private moment when you're not rushing gives the idea room to land. On the sofa after dinner works rather better than shouting it through the bathroom door while someone's brushing their teeth.
You can be casual and still be clear. “I saw a vibrator I'd love us to try” says what you mean. “Have you ever thought about, you know, those things?” leaves them guessing if you're talking about sex toys or the guttering.
Say what you'd actually like to try
A specific idea is easier to get excited about than a vague announcement that you want to be more adventurous. Try one of these, in your own words:
- “I'd love you to use a vibrator on me. Fancy it?”
- “Have you ever wanted to try a toy together? I've been curious.”
- “Want to have a look at a few toys with me? There are a couple I reckon we'd enjoy.”
It can be flirty. It can make you both laugh. It doesn't have to sound like a perfectly worded relationship podcast. The useful part is that your partner understands what you're asking.
A vibrator isn't applying for their job
If your partner worries that a toy means they're not enough, explain the bit you're looking forward to. “I love having sex with you. I also love vibration, and I'd like both together” is a much nicer answer than pretending the worry is ridiculous.
A vibrator gives a different sensation from a hand or tongue. Your partner brings kisses, attention and the fact that you fancy the pants off them. Having both in bed sounds like a fairly good arrangement.
A toy can be something you hold, something they hold, or something you pass between you. Wanting one doesn't mean you've secretly been waiting for your partner to leave so you can have proper fun.
Browse together and let the flirting happen
If they're keen, show them what caught your eye. A picture gives you something concrete to talk about, and occasionally something to raise an eyebrow at. “That one?” “Not unless we're cancelling tomorrow.”
Bullet vibrators are one compact option for clitoral pleasure together. Sex toy kits give you a few things to choose from, if the contents appeal to you both. A blindfold might be more your sort of naughty.
There's no need to buy during the conversation. A little browsing can tell you much more about what you each fancy than trying to describe the entire sex shop from memory.
If they're not keen, leave it there
A no is a no, not the start of your most persuasive sales pitch. You can be curious and they can decline. Agreeing to look or buy doesn't commit either of you to using anything, either.
If they're uncertain, ask what's putting them off. Embarrassment, cost or a particular sensation are different concerns. Answer the actual question rather than launching into fifteen reasons everyone should own a vibrator.
When you're both enthusiastic, choose something you want together. Our couples toy guide takes care of the shopping ideas. You've already done the tricky bit: getting the words out. The colour can wait until you've both finished grinning.
More to try together
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