Want to Try Sex Toys Together? Here's How to Bloody Say It

You've found a toy you can't stop thinking about. You've imagined bringing it to bed. You've pictured your partner's face, their hands and exactly where they'd put it. You've even chosen the colour. All that's left is to say seven words out loud: "Do you want to try this together?"

Somehow, there's no Add to Cart button for that bit. But it doesn't need a grand announcement. You're sharing a sexy idea with someone you want to fuck. That's about the hottest conversation two people can have.

Pick your moment

Bring it up when you're both relaxed and have a little privacy. On the couch after dinner beats shouting it through the bathroom door while they're brushing their teeth. Even better, whisper it in bed when you're already touching each other, or send a cheeky text before they get home. A bit of anticipation doesn't hurt.

You can be casual and still be clear. "I saw a vibrator I'd love you to use on me" says what you mean. "Have you ever thought about, you know, those things?" leaves them wondering if you're talking about toys or the guttering.

Say exactly what you want

A specific fantasy is far hotter than a vague statement about being more adventurous. Try these, in your own words:

"I want you to hold a vibrator on me while you fuck me. Would you be into that?"

"I keep thinking about you tying my hands up. Have you ever thought about it?"

"Want to look at some toys with me? There are a couple I reckon we'd have a really good time with."

It can be flirty, and it can make you both laugh. It doesn't need to sound like a relationship podcast.

A vibrator isn't after their job

If your partner worries that a toy means they're not enough, tell them what you're actually looking forward to. "I love fucking you. I also love vibration. I'd really like both at once" is a much better answer than brushing it off.

A vibrator gives you a different feeling from a hand or tongue. Your partner brings kisses, filthy whispers and the fact that you want to rip their clothes off. Having both in bed sounds like a pretty good arrangement. And they can be the one holding it, which puts them firmly in charge of your orgasm.

Browse together

If they're keen, show them what caught your eye. A picture gives you something to talk about, and occasionally something to raise an eyebrow at. "That one?" "Not unless we're cancelling tomorrow."

A bullet vibrator like the Maia KONA is an easy, unintimidating place to start, since it's small and looks fun. Sex toy kits give you a few things to choose from, and a blindfold may be more your kind of naughty. There's no need to buy anything right then. A bit of browsing will tell you a lot about what you each want, and you might not make it back to the checkout anyway.

If they're not keen

A no is a no, not the start of your best sales pitch. You can be curious, and they can decline. Agreeing to look doesn't commit anyone to using anything, either.

If they're unsure, ask what's holding them back. Embarrassment, cost or a dislike of a certain feeling are all different concerns, so answer the question they actually asked, rather than listing fifteen reasons everyone should own a vibrator.

If they say yes

Well done. You've already done the hard part, and the colour can wait until you've both stopped grinning. Our couples toy guide takes care of the shopping. There's more to explore in mutual masturbation and bringing up bondage, and if there's a date coming up, our naughty Valentine's gift ideas have you covered.