Thinking About a Threesome? Make Sure All Three of You Want to Be There
Another person joining you in bed's a very hot thought. More mouths and more hands, somewhere for everything to go, and someone new looking at your partner the way you did when you first met. You've been thinking about it for a long time. So has half the world. Most of them never manage to do it well.
That's because a real threesome has three people in it, not a couple plus someone hired by the fantasy. Getting there takes a few conversations, and they can be very sexy in themselves.
A fantasy isn't an agreement
You can talk about a threesome, get very turned on and still want to keep it imaginary. That's a great use of a fantasy, as our guide to fantasies that stay in your head explains. If you both want to explore it, say what appeals. Watching? Joining in? Trying something you haven't done? Who with? What's off the table? Work through all that before you invite anyone. If one of you is only agreeing to keep the other happy, stop right there.
The third person gets a real say
Be honest about what you're offering: a one-off, something you might repeat, or something else. Then listen to what they want. They may want one of you more, dislike something you'd imagined, or want the night to end differently. They're a person, not a prop, and treating them well is also how you get a much better night.
Everyone should be able to speak for themselves. "My partner's fine with it" doesn't count.
Meet without promising a shag
Online flirting doesn't guarantee you'll click in person. So meet, talk and leave room for anyone to say no thanks. Discuss how to pause, and what happens if someone wants to leave. Have a signal between you if you're a couple, and keep a practical way home open for your guest.
Jealousy can show up, too, even if you expected to be fine. If someone's uncomfortable, stop and look after them, rather than pushing on. It's supposed to be fun for everyone, and that matters a lot more than getting to the end.
Sort protection and privacy first
Talk about STI testing, barriers and what contact you each want. Use a fresh condom when changing partners, and keep a good pile within reach. A box of Naked Ribbed won't go far. Keep plenty of lube around too. If you're using toys, our guide to sharing sex toys is worth reading first.
Keep photos, recordings and stories private unless everyone's specifically agreed otherwise. Talk about staying over and contact afterwards, too. A kind check-in doesn't promise a repeat.
If you're still keen after all that, you're considering a real night with real people. That's where it gets very good. If you've worked out you prefer it as a thought, that's a good result as well. And if you're curious about the broader scene, read what swinging involves.