Sharing Sex Toys: What to Clean, Cover and Keep Separate

Sharing a dessert can be romantic. Sharing a toothbrush usually gets a committee involved. Sex toys sit somewhere in the middle: sharing can be fine, but it deserves a conversation and a cleaning plan rather than a hopeful wipe on the sheet.

The useful questions are who will use the toy, which body areas it will touch, and whether its material and design make proper cleaning possible. Buying it together does not automatically answer any of those.

Agree what is actually shared

Someone can happily share a home, a bed and the last hot chip while wanting their vibrator to remain theirs. Ask before borrowing, including when you are in an established relationship. A toy drawer is not a communal stationery cupboard.

You might keep individual toys, share only certain ones, or choose a new toy together. None of these arrangements says anything alarming about how close you are. They simply make the boundaries clear before everyone is distracted.

Our guide to choosing toys as a couple helps separate shared interests from assumptions.

Match the cleaning to the material

Planned Parenthood explains that shared toys can carry infections between people. Follow the manufacturer's cleaning instructions, including before a toy touches another person's genitals. A porous material is harder to clean thoroughly than an intact, non-porous surface.

Check the whole item, not just the soft bit. Seams, handles, attachments and controls can all need attention. A waterproof body does not tell you whether the remote can join it in the basin.

If the material is unknown, the surface is damaged or proper cleaning is uncertain, keeping the toy for one person is a more sensible choice than inventing a sterilising technique at midnight.

Barriers need changing too

A condom can provide a useful barrier on a toy it properly fits and covers. Use a fresh one for each person and when changing body areas. Check compatibility between the condom, lubricant and toy, and remember that uncovered surfaces still need cleaning.

Our condom and lube guide covers that combination. Using a barrier does not mean a toy never needs washing, and it cannot repair a cracked or deteriorating surface.

Give the handover a little organisation

Have clean items, fresh barriers and somewhere to put used toys within reach. Separating them avoids the deeply unhelpful question, "Was that the clean one?" Nobody enjoys bedroom memory games with consequences.

Afterwards, clean and dry each item as instructed before storing it. Discuss STI testing with partners and a sexual health clinician as relevant to your circumstances; toy cleaning is one part of safer sex, not the entire department.

A brief pause is much less awkward than pretending hygiene will somehow sort itself out because you both had a lovely time.