The Lotus Sex Position: Sit Close, Kiss More, Uncross Your Legs

The lotus position looks wonderfully calm in a drawing. In an actual bedroom, someone may need to say, “Hang on, you're sitting on my foot.” That doesn't ruin it. It means you've brought real legs.

The basic idea is simple: one partner sits upright and the other sits facing them in their lap. You get close contact, easy kissing and a slower way to move together. The crossed legs often shown in pictures are optional.

Sit face to face with both bodies supported

Choose a stable surface with room for both of you. The lower partner sits with their legs in a comfortable position; the upper partner straddles their lap facing them.

A supported back can make upright sitting less tiring. Let your legs rest where they fit instead of forcing them into a tight wrap. Neither person should need to cling to the other's neck to stay balanced.

If the bed sinks so much that you're constantly correcting yourself, try a different supported arrangement from our seated sex guide. The mattress doesn't get to dictate your evening.

Keep the kissing, loosen the legs

The appeal is being close enough to kiss, touch and talk without changing the whole position. It can feel more personal than looking at the back of someone's head, if face-to-face contact is your thing.

You don't have to stare into each other's eyes like you're trying to win an argument. Look away, laugh, rest against a shoulder or shift back a little. Close doesn't have to mean solemn.

If crossed legs make your knees complain, uncross them. If a wrapped leg starts going numb, pause and move it. Being horny doesn't make you more flexible.

Use small movements and leave room to adjust

A close seated position tends to leave less space for large movements. Start with small changes and tell each other what feels comfortable.

Penetration is optional. You can use the same arrangement for kissing and external touch, with more ideas in our non-penetrative sex guide. If you do include penetration, use enough suitable lube and stop if anything hurts.

Move apart before making a big change to your legs or balance. A quick pause is better than discovering that both of you thought the other person was holding you up.

Make space for a hand or small vibrator

Close contact can leave less room for clitoral touch than expected. Leaning apart slightly may give a hand or small bullet vibrator enough space without trapping it between you.

Keep the toy easy to move and its controls reachable. If fitting it in turns the position into a fiddly pain in the arse, change position instead.

Our partner-on-top guide has options with a different kind of support. Keep the lotus for as long as you both enjoy it, then stretch out. The kissing can come with you.