Sex Toys for Men Who Have Never Owned One

Women have been told for decades that buying a vibrator is empowering. Men have been told they've got a perfectly good hand, so what's their problem? Then there's the guy who thinks owning a toy means he's lonely, or weird, or can't get laid. It's all rubbish. A sex toy for a man isn't a replacement for anything. It's a new sensation.

Here's where to begin if you've never owned one, and you feel a bit silly even reading this. Nobody's watching.

Start here: the stroker

A stroker's a soft sleeve you slide over your cock. It's lined with bumps, ribs or textures that your hand just can't do. Add lube, and you're away.

The Missus stroker is $15.95, and it's the classic cheap first toy, with a ribbed, contoured tunnel. If you want to try it, this is a very cheap way of finding out. Sizing isn't much of an issue with a stretchy sleeve like this, but read our guide to choosing a masturbator for more options, and our guide to open and closed ends.

The most common beginner mistake's not using enough lube. Use a water-based one, because silicone and oil can damage many sleeve materials. Wicked Simply Natural is good for this. The second mistake's not cleaning it. Rinse it out, turn it inside out if you can, and let it air dry. Our care guide will save you from some very bad smells.

Next step: add vibration

Most men have never had vibration on their cock, and it's quite a surprise. The Satisfyer Men Vibration is a soft silicone body that holds onto the head of your cock, with 14 vibration programs, and it doesn't need any pumping. You can just lie back. It's a very different thing from a stroker. Here's a guide to automatic and manual toys, and if you'd like something fully hands-free, here's how suction really works.

Something for you and a partner: rings

A vibrating ring goes around the base of your cock, and adds a bit of vibration for your partner, or your balls. It's the easiest way to bring a toy into bed with someone, and nobody's going to feel threatened by it. The Fun Factory Speed Date has one simple setting, and it costs $24.95. Our sizing guide helps you get the right fit, and our safety guide has the rules: not too tight, 20 minutes maximum, and off immediately if there's pain or numbness.

The one you've been wondering about: the prostate

You've got a gland, about the size of a walnut, a few centimetres up your bum, and many men say it can give you the strongest orgasm of your life. It's got absolutely nothing to do with being gay, and straight men have a prostate too. The Anal Adventures Prostate Stimulator is a cheap first step, and the Maia Colton is a bigger, remote-controlled version. Read our solo guide first, go slowly, use plenty of lube and only use a toy with a flared base.

Which should you buy first?

• Just curious, and don't want to spend much: The Missus and a bottle of lube.
• Want something really different: Satisfyer Men Vibration.
• Have a partner: Speed Date ring.
• Feeling adventurous: A small prostate toy.

Do I have to tell anyone?

Nope. It all comes in plain packaging, and our guide to shopping discreetly explains how to keep it private. Our storage guide explains how to keep it from being found. If you've got a partner, telling them can be a good move, and a surprising number of them think it's hot. Here's how to bring it up. And no, it doesn't say anything about your manhood. Your toy drawer doesn't hand out masculinity certificates.

Will it ruin me for the real thing?

Almost certainly not, in the sense that you'll still like sex. If you only ever use a very tight, very strong toy, you might find that other things take a bit longer. The solution's simple: mix it up, and don't only do the one thing. So buy yourself something.