Blokes and Sex Toys: Buy What You Want and Skip the Bullshit

A bloke can discuss the settings on his barbecue for forty-five minutes and call that a normal conversation. He'll spend three grand on a set of golf clubs. But buying a forty-dollar tunnel that'd make him come harder than he has in years? That's somehow a matter for deep suspicion.

It's a sex toy. You can buy one because you're curious, because you want a different feeling or because your hand's been doing the same job for years and deserves a break. Nobody's checking your certificate.

You can want a better wank without a backstory

You don't need to be single, lonely, bored with your partner or doing important research. Wanting a better wank's reason enough. A textured sleeve or a vibrator can give you something your hand can't, and that doesn't mean anything about you except that you've got good taste.

The Adam & Eve Juicy Lucy brings its own lube, so you don't even need to go looking for a bottle. Our masturbator buying guide explains your real choices. Start with what you want to feel, not what you think a real man should own.

It doesn't have to be "just a joke"

You know the routine: buy the toy, laugh loudly about it, and make absolutely sure everyone knows you're only messing around. You can skip that. A toy can be a private purchase you fully intend to use. The packaging might still deserve a laugh, since some of those names sound as if they were chosen by a man who's never met another person. Laugh at that, then go and enjoy it.

The same goes for your arse, by the way. Having a prostate and being curious about it says nothing about who you are or who you're into. Our prostate massager guide has all you need.

Your partner isn't being replaced

A toy doesn't bring you a coffee, kiss you hello or make you laugh when you've had a shit day. If your partner's worried, explain what you want from it: a different feeling, or something for when they're away. Or get them involved. Having someone else work a stroker on you while you lie back's a very good way to spend an evening. Our couples toy guide has more ideas.

Choose the toy, not a masculinity test

You might want a simple sleeve, or vibration, or suction, or something you haven't even heard of. You might have a look around and decide that none of it appeals, and that's fine too. Trying a toy and hating it's a preference, not a crisis. You don't need to buy the biggest, most complicated one to prove anything to anyone.

Keep your private stuff private

Flatmates and visitors don't need to know. Clean your toy, dry it and put it away, and our masturbator care guide shows you how. If someone does make a comment, you can just say it's personal. No presentation required.

The only question is if the toy interests you. If it does, have a look. Your masculinity can look after itself for five minutes.