Strap-Ons for Beginners: Buckle Up and Fuck Them Properly

You pull the straps tight, catch sight of yourself in the mirror and feel a sudden, unexpected rush of power. There's a cock bobbing in front of you and someone on the bed who can't wait to feel it. Then a strap slips, and you remember you're still learning where everything goes. Both of those moments are hot, and you're allowed to laugh through the second one.

Strap-ons are for anyone who's ever wanted to do the fucking, or wanted to be fucked by someone they love in a whole new way. All you need is a harness that fits your body and a dildo the person taking it actually wants.

Pick a harness that stays where you put it

Adjustable strap harnesses let you tighten the waist and legs separately, and they leave your arse beautifully on show. Underwear-style ones pull on like briefs, with less fiddling. A good fit means the cock moves with your hips, instead of wandering off by itself.

For the easiest start, buy a kit. The Sportsheets New Comers Strap-On comes with a harness and a slimmer 12.7 cm dildo that's a great size for a first go, and you've got room to grow from there. There's a full range of strap-on dildos and sets as well, and our strap-on harness guide goes deeper on fit. Measure where it'll sit, as "adjustable" still has limits.

The dildo and harness have to fit together

With a common O-ring harness, the shaft goes through the ring and the wider base stays behind it, pressing against you. The base stops it pulling through, while the shaft just above it needs to sit snugly in the opening.

Some harnesses have swappable rings, and others have a fixed opening. Buying separately? Match the dildo to the fitting, as a wide base doesn't guarantee it'll work. Choose it with both of you in mind, because two bodies will be involved even though only one's wearing it.

Choose a size you both want

The person taking it should get the final say. They may love a modest, smooth shape, and you may prefer something light while you learn to control it. The biggest one in the shop can mind its own bloody business for now. A long, heavy toy also pulls more on the harness, so going smaller lets you focus on the fucking rather than wrestling with your gear.

Have a practice round

Put it on before anyone's naked and waiting. Walk around, squat, kneel, thrust at the air and tighten whatever's loose. You'll feel ridiculous for about ten seconds and then you'll feel fantastic. A bit of preparation saves a lot of naked frowning at buckles.

Now use it

Get your partner properly worked up first with your hands or your mouth or a vibrator. Use plenty of water-based lube and start slowly, letting them guide you in. You can't feel what the cock's feeling, so ask them. "Deeper?" and "Like that?" are two of the hottest questions you'll ever get to ask.

Then get into a rhythm. Grab their hips. Watch their face. And when it clicks and you're both moving together, you'll get why people get hooked. Our strap-on positions guide has easy ones to start with. Stop for pain, and go back to the fun bits.

Wash up

Take the dildo out and clean it, then clean the harness the way its material needs, as fabric and leather differ. Dry both properly. Clean the toy or change its condom before you switch people or go from anal to vaginal, and anal needs a dildo with a flared base.

Next time you'll already know which strap goes where, and you can spend longer admiring yourself in that mirror.