Sex Over 60: Still Filthy After All These Years

Your family assumes you've stopped. Your doctor's assuming you've stopped. Every ad on telly thinks you only want reverse mortgages and a new hip. Meanwhile, plenty of people in their sixties, seventies and well beyond are having the best sex of their lives, with nobody needing to get up for work in the morning and absolutely nothing left to prove.

Sex over 60 is different. Your body's changed, so some things need a bit of help. But you also know what you like, you've stopped caring what your stomach looks like, and you've got all bloody day.

What changes, and what to do about it

Dryness. Falling oestrogen after menopause can make the vagina drier and thinner, and sex can start to hurt. You don't have to put up with it. Use lube, and use plenty, because this is the single best thing you can buy. Wicked Simply Natural is a slick, fragrance-free option that's good for sensitive skin. Your doctor can also talk to you about vaginal oestrogen, which works very well for lots of people. Our menopause guide goes into detail.

Erections. They may take longer, need more direct touch and not be as firm. That's normal, and it doesn't mean the end of anything. A soft cock can still feel plenty. See your GP if it's new or sudden, because it can be an early warning sign for heart problems. And if your doctor gives you tablets, ask if they're safe with your other meds.

Slower arousal. Everything takes a little longer, which isn't a problem. It means longer foreplay, and nobody's ever complained about that.

Sore joints. Knees, hips and backs get a vote these days. So you'll want positions that don't involve anything you'd have to apologise to a physio for. Our joint comfort guide and spooning guide are excellent places to begin. If you've had a hip or knee replacement, check with your surgeon about what's safe, and how long to wait.

Vibrators are your new best friend

Sensation can dull with age, so more power's a real help. That goes for all genitals. A vibrator isn't a sign that anything's wrong, and it might be the best thing you buy all decade.

The Adam & Eve Her Majesty is a long, rumbly massage wand with 10 modes at 3 levels, and it's built for people who want real power. The handle's long enough that you don't need to reach, and it does the job on any body. If you've got arthritis in your hands, read our easy-grip guide first.

Vibrating rings work well, too, with a bit of extra hold and something for both of you. The Fun Factory Speed Date has one setting, and no tiny buttons to find without your glasses. Read our cock ring safety guide first, especially if you're on blood thinners.

Dating again

A lot of people find themselves dating again in their sixties or seventies, after a divorce or a death, and their last first date was during the Whitlam government. It's terrifying, and it's a hell of a lot of fun. Everyone's nervous, everyone's body's got a history, and nobody's pretending otherwise. You can say "I've got a dodgy knee and a very good imagination", and it'll go over very well.

And here's the bit nobody's told you: condoms. STI rates in older Australians have been rising, because pregnancy's off the table and nobody ever had this talk with us. So use them with new partners, and get tested, even if you feel silly. Our STI testing guide walks you through it, and our condom size guide helps if it's been a few decades.

After a long gap

If it's been years, go gently. For vaginas, things can tighten and become more delicate after a long break, so start slowly, with plenty of lube, and maybe a small toy. Our guide to sex after a long break can help. Your partner may be feeling every bit as anxious, too, so say so. It makes everything easier.

The upsides nobody mentions

• No pregnancy scares after menopause. Go for your life.
• No rush. You can go at 10am on a Wednesday if you want. Who's going to stop you?
• You know your own body, and you've stopped being embarrassed about asking.
• Nobody's performing. You've spent decades unlearning that nonsense.

So close the door, turn the phone off and take your hearing aids out if you'd rather not hear the commentary. You've earned this.