Rimming for Beginners: Clean, Keen and Curious

There are two kinds of people: those who've had their arse licked by someone who really wanted to, and those who think it sounds disgusting. The second group's getting smaller. Rimming, or analingus if you're filling in a form, has gone from a thing nobody admitted to, to something plenty of couples quietly can't get enough of.

The reason's simple. The skin around your anus is absolutely packed with nerve endings. It's warm, it's soft and it's wet, and being licked there feels completely unlike anything else. It's also got a filthy, trusting, "I can't believe you're doing that" thrill that nothing else really matches.

Let's get clean

This is the first thing everyone worries about, so let's deal with it. A shower beforehand is all most people need. Soap and warm water on the outside, a good wash around the area, and you're fine. You don't need to douche for this, as we're mostly staying outside, and our guide to douching covers when you might want to.

A trim is optional, and no one expects a landing strip. Showering together also gets you past the "is this really happening" stage, with soapy hands and a lot of very good reasons to linger.

How to do it

Comfort first. The receiver can lie on their stomach with a pillow under their hips, get on hands and knees, or lie on their back with their legs up. For extra filth, they can straddle your face, keeping their own weight on their knees. A wedge cushion under the hips makes a massive difference, as it saves you crawling around with a sore neck.

• Start around it. Kiss their bum, bite the cheeks and work inward. Build up to it.
• Use a soft, flat tongue and long, slow licks across the whole area.
• Circle it. Lots of slow, wet circles around the rim. That's where the name comes from, after all.
• Try a flick, or a firm point. Press a pointed tongue gently against the centre, without forcing anything.
• Add a hand. Rimming plus a hand on a cock or clit is the combination people write home about. Well, not home.

How to ask for it

The biggest barrier isn't hygiene. It's embarrassment. Asking "would you ever want me to lick your arse?" takes guts, and it's a good idea to bring it up with your clothes on, ideally when you're already a bit flirty. Offer before you ask. If your partner says no, that's the end of it, and no one gets to be weird about it. Both of you need to actually want this. Our yes, no, maybe list is a very easy way to raise it.

Keep it safe

Here's the part I won't joke around with. Rimming can pass on gastro bugs, as well as hepatitis A and some STIs, including herpes, gonorrhoea and syphilis. It's lower-risk with a clean, regular partner than with someone new, but it's not risk-free.

• A dental dam is a thin barrier that goes between your tongue and their skin. Our dental dam guide shows how to use one. A condom cut along its length works in a pinch.
• Ask your GP about the hepatitis A vaccine, especially if rimming's a regular part of your life.
• Don't do it if either of you has gastro, or a sore or cut in your mouth or on the area.
• Don't go back from the bum to the vagina with the same tongue or finger, without a wash and a rinse.

Want to go further?

A lot of people find that rimming's a brilliant warm-up for anal play, as it helps everything relax. If that's where you're heading, use plenty of lube and start small. Our beginner anal toys guide and anal lube guide will sort you out.

A good flavoured lube can also take the edge off nerves for a first-timer. Adam & Eve Strawberry is sugar-free and safe with barriers. Use it on the outside of a dam, and everybody's happy.

Not for you? Fine. There's no sex act you have to like. But if you've been wondering, and you've got someone who's keen, go have a shower. A long one.