FIFO Sex: Keeping It Hot on a Swing Roster

Two weeks on, one week off. Or four and one, if you've really drawn the short straw. For anyone in a FIFO relationship, sex runs on a roster, and no one's ever said that a 6am flight out of Karratha does wonders for the mood. You've got a donga, a shared wall, dodgy wi-fi and a partner 3,000 kilometres away. Meanwhile, they're at home running everything, and they'd like you to know that the dishwasher's broken.

And yet plenty of FIFO couples have some of the hottest sex in the country, because when you only get a week, you don't waste it. Here's how to keep it going on swing and at home.

While you're away: keep the fire going

Don't let it all become logistics. If all you ever talk about is the car rego, you'll come home to a flatmate. So make time for something else.

• Send one filthy message a day. It doesn't need to be a masterpiece. "Thinking about what I'm doing to you on Friday" takes four seconds, and it'll get them through a 12-hour shift. Our sexting guide is for those who usually text "yep cheers".
• Try voice notes. Often better than a text, particularly with bad wi-fi. Your voice saying what you want, played in a car or under a doona, is very effective.
• Schedule it. Booking in a call sounds unsexy until you spend all day looking forward to it. Night shifters will need to get creative with time zones.
• Be careful with nudes. Camp wi-fi and work phones are not your friends, and you share your life with a lot of blokes. Keep it on your own device and locked. Here's how to do it sensibly.

Toys that close the gap

An app-controlled toy means your partner can get you off from a donga in the Pilbara, with a data connection and a very good attitude. The Satisfyer Pro 2 Gen 4 works with the free Connect app, so that they've got the controls wherever they are. Our long-distance toys guide has more on how that works.

For the person on site, you want something small, quiet and easy to hide. Those walls are thin, and nobody wants a nickname for the rest of the swing. The Satisfyer Men Vibration is discreet, and a simple stroker's easy to pack. Read our quiet toys guide, and pack them in a plain toy bag, as your bag might get checked at site. Our travel guide has the rest, including how to stop it switching on in your bag on the plane, which is a story you don't want to tell.

The first night home

This is where it often goes wrong. One of you has been counting the days and has a detailed plan. The other's been up since 3am, smells like a plane and has been in a different world for two weeks. Or the person at home's been coping solo for a fortnight, and feels resentful, and exhausted, and not exactly ready to jump into bed with someone who's just waltzed in.

It's normal to feel a bit strange at first. Lots of FIFO couples say it takes a day or so to get used to each other. So take the pressure off.

• Don't make the first night a performance. Eat something and have a shower. Touch each other, and let it happen if it happens.
• Give each other a bit of re-entry time. Whoever's been home has a whole system going. Don't rearrange the kitchen on day one, for your own sake.
• Tell them what you need. "I want you, and I've got to sleep for four hours first" is a very good sentence.

Then, when you've slept, close the door. A week's a lot of time to make up for what you missed, and you'll be amazed what happens by Wednesday.

When your libidos don't match up

You'll get home wanting it three times a day, and they might've gotten used to not thinking about it. Or you might come home wrecked, and they've been waiting a fortnight. Being on different schedules is a fact of FIFO life. Our guide to mismatched sex drives helps, as does understanding responsive desire. Plenty of people don't feel like it until things have started.

Trust and the long game

Being apart can stir up some jealousy, on both sides. Talk about that before it turns into a problem. Agree on what's fine: is porn OK? Do you share what you're getting up to on your own? What about your partner's night out? Being honest is much better than guessing. And if you're solo for long stretches, the person at home should have a really good vibrator without any guilt. It's not competition. It's maintenance.

FIFO can also be tough on your mental health, which is sometimes the real reason that nobody's in the mood. Isolation, shift work and long stretches away are hard. If you're struggling, Lifeline's on 13 11 14, and most companies also have an employee assistance program.

So keep the messages coming, charge the toy before your flight and try to get some sleep on the plane. You're going to need it.