Sex With a Height Difference: Stop Shagging on Tiptoes

The kiss works beautifully. Then you try to line up the rest of yourselves and one person is on tiptoes while the other bends like they're looking for a dropped earring.

A height difference can make some sex positions awkward, particularly standing ones. It doesn't mean you're a bad fit. It means the two of you need a better plan than stretching harder and hoping your calves hold out.

Lie down and move your hips into place

Once you're lying down, your feet don't have to start at the same point. Shift higher or lower on the bed until the parts you want in contact line up comfortably.

That might leave one person's face nearer the other's shoulder. Fine. A kiss can happen before or after a change in position; your mouths don't need to remain permanently attached.

Side-lying can make this easier because the mattress supports both bodies. Our spooning sex guide explains how to adjust the space between your hips and leave your arms somewhere useful.

Use the bed edge to change the height

Having one person recline or sit near the edge while the other stands or kneels can change your relative height. Whether it works depends on the bed, your leg lengths and how much the mattress sinks.

Try the position before adding penetration. If you can't stay steady and comfortable, change it. A lower bed isn't automatically better, and neither is a taller one.

Our bed-edge position guide helps you work through the options without turning the bedroom into a measuring competition.

Use a pillow for support, not a balancing act

A small pillow beneath the hips or another supported part of the body can alter the angle. It may help, or it may create pressure you dislike. Make one change at a time so you can tell what actually improved.

Don't stand on a stool or a pile of objects to make up the difference. The extra height isn't worth an unstable landing. There are better ways to get close than putting your sex life on a wobbly little platform.

Bring hands and toys to the person

External stimulation doesn't need your hips to line up. Sit or lie where you can reach comfortably, use your hands, or add a bullet vibrator if you both want one.

Let the person receiving the touch guide its position. If the arm doing the work starts aching, change sides or take over. Our vibrator position guide offers more ways to make room for a toy.

Say what needs moving

“Come a little higher” or “move your knee” gives your partner something they can actually do. They can't tell that your ankle is cramping just because you're making an intense face.

Stop if anything hurts, and don't force penetration at an awkward angle. Keep the position that fits your bodies, even if it looks nothing like the picture. You're trying to enjoy a shag, not prove you were manufactured as a matching pair.