Sex Positions When One of You Is Much Taller

Being a different height from your partner is lovely until a position diagram assumes your hips, shoulders and knees were issued as a matching set.

Suddenly someone is on tiptoes. Someone else is bending at an angle that seems to belong to a camping chair. Romance has become a measuring exercise.

You don't need to match heights. You need an arrangement that fits the two people actually present.

Stop using your faces as the measuring point

Head-to-head alignment tells you very little about the rest of your bodies. Two people with a similar overall height can have different torso and leg proportions. A taller partner may still find a supposedly obvious position awkward.

For any position, ask where each person's weight is supported, whether joints feel comfortable and whether both people can move freely. That information is more useful than centimetres on a tape measure.

If penetration is involved, comfortable alignment matters more than standing or lying in a particular way. Stop if the angle hurts. Forcing it doesn't make the height difference disappear.

Let the bed take standing out of the equation

Lying beside each other or choosing a supported reclining arrangement removes some of the balancing required when both people are standing. You may still need to shift where your shoulders and hips rest. That's normal.

The taller person's legs don't have to stay straight, and the shorter person doesn't have to stretch to imitate a photograph. Choose positions both of you can comfortably maintain rather than ones that only work for a few determined seconds.

A bed edge can change the relative height, but mattress height and softness vary. Test it first. If someone needs a precarious stack of cushions to reach, try something else.

Pillows change angles as well as height

A pillow can support a part of the body. It can also create pressure or alter depth in ways you don't enjoy. Start modestly and pay attention to the actual result.

Don't balance on household objects or use unstable furniture to even things up. The kitchen stool has no qualifications in this department.

Toys don't require matching proportions

If you want to use an external toy together, focus on reach and control. The bullet range offers compact shapes, while our couples' toy guide covers choosing something you both want involved.

A position can also become a cuddle, a chat or non-penetrative intimacy. There is no requirement to solve every alignment question before you're allowed to enjoy yourselves.

The useful phrase is "Can we move a bit?" It costs nothing, takes a second and has rescued more evenings than an elaborate position name ever will. Different heights are workable. Silent discomfort is much less helpful.