Scissoring: Find the Contact You Like, Untangle the Rest

Scissoring has a wonderfully obvious name for a position that can still leave two people asking whose leg goes where. The useful bit is the genital contact, not whether your bodies make a convincing stationery shape.

It usually means partners crossing or interleaving their legs so their genitals can rub together. You'll also hear tribbing used for vulva rubbing more broadly, including against other parts of a partner's body. The names overlap in everyday conversation; the contact you want matters more.

Describe the position before arranging your legs

One person may picture lying on their side; another may imagine a more upright position. Say which you mean, and make room to support both bodies before trying to bring your hips closer.

You should both be able to shift or move apart without a trapped knee or leg. If an angle hurts, untangle first. Don't try to pull someone into the shape you've seen in a picture.

The guide to sex position names explains why a shared label doesn't always mean a shared mental picture.

Find comfortable pressure, not maximum contact

External rubbing can feel different depending on angle, pressure and movement. Close contact doesn't automatically land where either person's clit prefers it.

Make one small change at a time and say what it does. “Less pressure” or “a little to the side” is useful. Silently enduring an awkward angle because you finally got your legs sorted is not.

Suitable lube can reduce uncomfortable friction. Our water-based lube range offers options, and you can stop or switch activities if the contact simply isn't enjoyable.

Keep underwear on if that feels better

You can explore external rubbing through clothing instead of starting with direct genital contact. Soft fabric may change how the pressure feels, while a thick seam or bunched underwear can get annoying quickly.

Adjust the clothes or choose another position rather than grinding through discomfort. Your knickers don't deserve that much commitment.

Hands or a suitable external toy can be other choices, with our grinding toy guide covering a separate way to explore pressure. Keep any toy easy to move rather than trapping it between bodies.

You don't have to like it to qualify as queer

Scissoring isn't compulsory lesbian sex, a test of experience or proof of anyone's identity. Some people love it. Others would rather do something else entirely. Both are normal answers.

Direct genital contact can transmit STIs, including through skin contact, so discuss relevant protection and testing. Keeping penetration out of the picture doesn't remove every risk.

Our non-penetrative sex guide has more choices. Keep whatever feels good and ditch the rest. There are better uses for a horny evening than proving you can copy a bloody diagram.