Grinding Toys: All the Fun Can Stay on the Outside

If rubbing against something feels better than putting something inside you, buy the toy that lets you do that. You don't need to give penetration a courtesy go first.

Grinding toys provide a surface to press or rub against externally. Some are plain pads; others add bumps, curves or vibration. They suit the person who knows exactly how they like to move and would quite like a toy to keep up.

Move against the toy instead of holding a tip in place

A grinding pad gives you a broader area of contact than a small vibrating tip. You can move against it and vary the pressure yourself, which may appeal if you usually enjoy rubbing against a pillow or your partner.

Start with light contact and small movements. Shift the toy until the part you want against your clit or vulva is where you want it. You don't have to press your whole weight onto it to find out what it feels like.

With a flexible pad, holding it in your hand can help you work out which part of the surface you like before trying a more supported position. Getting comfortable is allowed to involve less effort than the product photo suggests.

Keep the pad steady enough to enjoy it

The pad slips away. You retrieve it. It slips again. At some point this stops being masturbation and becomes a fairly shit game of fetch.

Place a freestanding pad on a stable surface where you can comfortably control your weight. If it has purpose-made straps or a holder, those are there to secure it. Don't perch it on something wobbly and try to compensate with your knees.

Not every pad is meant to support a person's full weight, and some are intended to be held. The important difference is whether you're pressing against a supported toy or sitting on it. Choose the setup the toy is made for.

Texture changes the contact, not your experience level

Bumps, ribs and raised curves concentrate pressure differently from a smooth surface. They can give you more to notice as you move, but more texture isn't automatically more enjoyable.

You might like a softer, broader curve or a smaller raised area. Try lighter pressure before deciding you need a more pronounced surface. A toy doesn't have to look complicated to feel interesting.

A little suitable lube can reduce dragging against bare skin. Water-based lube is a straightforward choice for silicone pads. If you feel sore or numb, stop rather than trying to rub your way to a better result.

Add vibration if that's something you want

A plain pad lets movement and pressure set the sensation. A vibrating pad adds another choice, so you can keep the pressure you like while changing the intensity.

The Gender X Pleasure Pad is a rechargeable pad example. The useful reason to consider it is the combination of a flexible contact surface and vibration, rather than the idea that powered toys must be a step up.

If you prefer a smaller toy you can move precisely with your hand, browse clitoral vibrators. Different grip, different contact. You aren't shopping for the officially correct way to have a wank.

Let your partner help without taking over your movement

Your partner can hold a suitable pad steady while you decide how to move against it. Tell them where you want it and when to leave it still. Sometimes the most useful instruction really is “keep doing that”.

Clean the contact surface afterwards, including around the raised details, and let it dry fully. Our toy cleaner and soap guide covers the care choices.

Then put the pad where you can reach it next time. A toy you can use exactly how you like deserves better than being buried beneath three dildos you only bought because you thought you should.