Rope for Absolute Beginners: Your First Tie

You've seen the photos. Someone's trussed up in intricate knots, hanging from the ceiling like a very expensive Christmas ham, with an expression of perfect bliss. You thought, "That's beautiful, and I can't even do up a Windsor knot". Good news: you don't need to do any of that. A good bit of rope around a pair of wrists will do just fine, and by the end of this article, you'll know how to do it safely.

Why rope, when you could use cuffs?

Cuffs go on in five seconds, and they're a great way to begin. Our cuffs vs rope guide compares them. Rope's a different experience. It takes time. Your hands are on them the whole time, the rope slides over their skin, and with each wrap, they've got fewer options. Tying someone up slowly is a long, delicious bit of foreplay, and being tied is a very particular kind of bliss.

What rope to buy

Don't use whatever's in the shed. Hardware store rope can be rough, it can stretch or it can tighten under load. Look for something soft, not too thin, and made for skin. The Ouch 10 metre bondage rope costs $19.95. It's silky smooth, 0.6 cm thick, easy to clean with hypoallergenic soap and warm water, and long enough to cut into smaller lengths. A smooth synthetic like this is the easy way to start. If you get into it, you'll find people have very strong opinions about jute and hemp.

Also buy safety shears. You want them within arm's reach, with a blunt tip, so that you can cut rope off fast. Paramedic shears from the chemist are perfect. This isn't optional.

The rules, before you tie anything

• Never put rope around the neck. Not "gently", not "just for a photo". Nothing goes around the neck, full stop.
• Never leave someone tied up alone. Not to get a drink, not for a laugh.
• No suspension. Lifting someone off the ground is an advanced skill with serious risks, and it's for trained people.
• Avoid the inside of the wrist and upper arm, where nerves sit close to the surface. Keep rope on the fleshy parts, not on joints.
• You should be able to fit two fingers under the rope.
• Check in with them every few minutes. Can you feel your fingers? Wiggle them. Any tingling, numbness, cold or colour changes means the rope comes off right now. Nerve damage can be slow to heal, and it isn't worth it.
• Keep your stop signal easy, and agree on it before you start. Our safewords guide covers it. If there's a gag involved, use a hand signal.
• Stay sober, or close to it.

Your first tie: a single-column cuff

This wraps around one limb, or both wrists together, and it doesn't tighten when pulled. That's the crucial bit, and it's what makes it safe.

1. Fold your rope in half to find the middle. This loop is called the bight.
2. Wrap the doubled rope around the wrist two or three times, keeping the wraps flat and neat, with no twists. Leave a little room.
3. Pass the bight under all of the wraps, between the rope and their skin, and pull it through.
4. Tie a simple knot using the bight and the two loose ends, and snug it down against the wraps. A square knot does the job.
5. Do the two-finger test. It shouldn't get any tighter if they pull on it. If it does, undo it and start again.
6. Tie the loose ends to the bedhead, or to the other wrist. Use something sturdy.

Practise it on your own leg first, or on someone's leg over a beer, as you get better faster when nobody's naked. Then do it on your partner with their clothes on, then with less on. It'll be clumsy at first, and you'll get faster.

Making it hot

Technique's only half of it. Take your time. Talk to them while you do it. Tell them exactly what's going to happen, and that they've got nowhere to go. Run the rope's end down their back. Pull them close by it. And once they're tied, you've got all night, and a blindfold and a vibrator would be very good company.

Don't tie someone in a position they can't hold for long. Hands in front are safer for a beginner than hands behind the back, as that puts strain on the shoulders and can affect breathing. Twenty to thirty minutes is plenty to begin with.

After you untie them

Take it off slowly. Rub their wrists and arms, get some water and have a cuddle. Marks usually fade in a few hours, but if there's numbness or weakness that hangs around, see a doctor. Our aftercare guide covers what to do next. If you want more, find a local rope class or a good book. Rope communities in Australia's bigger cities are friendly, and people are happy to teach you. For an easier start, here's how to introduce bondage to your partner.

Well, that's your first knot. Go tie someone up, and try not to get too cocky about it.