Buying a dildo because it looks impressive is a bit like buying jeans two sizes too small. Optimistic, expensive and unlikely to improve your evening.
You want the one you'll reach for when you're horny, not the one that makes your visitors gasp if they accidentally open the wrong drawer. Start with the sensation you fancy, then let size, shape and firmness help you get there.
Size is a preference, not a dare
Fancy a fuller feeling? Thickness deserves your attention. Prefer something slimmer that doesn't demand much stretching? That deserves a place in the drawer too. Bigger is a taste, not a promotion.
Length is a separate choice. You don't have to use every centimetre, but there's no great reason to buy loads of extra length if deeper play isn't what you enjoy. A toy that looks spectacular in a photo can still be a bloody nuisance in your hand.
If you've already got a dildo you like, its size is a useful starting point. Want more thickness, less length or roughly the same again? Those are better questions than “what do people normally buy?” People normally buy all sorts of things, including very questionable trousers.
Need a hand with the numbers? Our dildo size guide makes length and thickness easier to picture.
Smooth, curved or gloriously cock-shaped?
A smooth shape keeps the sensation straightforward. Raised ribs and bumps make the surface more noticeable. Neither needs to be your eventual destination; you can love a smooth dildo forever without being sent for remedial kink lessons.
A curve gives you another way to aim the pressure. That's appealing if you like more focused internal contact, but it doesn't promise the same result in every body. Choose it because that kind of pressure interests you.
Then there's the look. A realistic cock is a turn-on for some people. Others would rather have a bright, abstract shape that doesn't remind them of anybody. Our non-realistic dildos leave the anatomy lesson out of it.
Texture and realism aren't the same thing, either. You can want a cock-shaped toy without wanting every vein to make its presence known.
Do you like a little give or firm pressure?
A softer, flexible dildo has some give as you move it. A firm one holds its shape and makes pressure feel more definite. Think about which sounds good to you, rather than assuming soft means timid or firm means advanced.
Our silicone dildos offer different shapes and firmnesses. Silicone isn't one universal squish level, so the word alone doesn't settle what the toy will feel like.
Glass dildos are rigid, which suits people who enjoy an unbending shape. If you're still deciding between the two, our silicone versus glass guide gets into the difference.
Suction cups and harnesses for hands-free play
A suction-cup base adds somewhere to attach the toy, while a harness-ready dildo opens up strap-on play. Those are useful extras if that's how you want to use it. They're less exciting if you buy them purely because the photo looked ambitious.
Our suction-cup dildo guide covers the hands-free appeal. Having a toy stay put is handy; having nowhere sensible to put it rather defeats the point.
For anal play, choose a dildo with a wide flared base that stays outside, add plenty of lube and stop if it hurts.
Then pick something you'll actually fancy using. The dildo collection has plenty of personalities. Yours doesn't need to be the loudest one in the drawer to be the favourite.