Vibrator Too Intense? Turn It Down, You Don't Have to Prove Anything

You wanted a nice bit of vibration. You turned it on, touched it to your clit, and your whole body flinched as if you'd licked a battery. Your clit would like to lodge a formal objection. You paid good money for this.

You don't have to keep going. Turn it off, take a moment and work out which part's too much: the strength, the pressure, the contact point or the pattern. It's meant to get you off, not test your character. Often it just takes one small change to turn "fuck, no" into "fuck, yes".

Find the lowest strength, not another pattern

Some toys have separate controls for intensity and patterns, and others use one button for everything. Some remember the last setting you used, which can be a real shock. So practise with the buttons away from your body, so that you know how to turn it down and off. A pulsing pattern can still be strong, as changing the rhythm doesn't always reduce the power.

If the lowest setting's already unpleasant, that's useful to know. You haven't failed the easy level.

Touch lighter, and go around

Pressing firmly changes the feeling a lot. Try holding the toy more lightly, or moving it beside your clit rather than right on top of it. Try your outer lips or your hood. Or put some fabric in the way, like your underwear or a soft sheet. Start on your thigh and work your way in, once you're already turned on, as a turned-on clit can handle much more.

A wider head spreads the contact, whereas a small tip focuses it. Change one thing, then see what happens. If you change speed, angle and pressure together, you won't know which one helped.

Take a break when your body asks

Stop for pain, numbness or irritation, and let normal feeling come back. Don't turn it up to push through reduced sensation, and see a doctor if the symptoms hang around. Your clit or the head of your penis can also get very sensitive right after you come. What felt great a moment ago may suddenly feel like far too much, and that's totally normal.

A different toy can change everything

A new contact shape, a gentler low setting or easier controls may suit you better. Our first vibrator guide helps you compare, and our rumbly vs fluttery guide explains why deep vibration can feel better than sharp, bright vibration. Air-pulse toys like the Fun Factory MEA feel different again, but they aren't automatically milder. Our air pulse vs vibration guide explains why. You can browse the whole clitoral vibrator range for more.

You can just decide you don't like it

Maybe the toy's too strong. Maybe the shape's awkward. Maybe you prefer your hand. They're all perfectly decent conclusions. You don't need to buy a replacement right away, either. Put it away, enjoy something else and use what you've learned next time you shop.