First-Time Anal: The Mistakes That Stop It Feeling Fucking Great

Your first time should end with you sprawled on the bed, a bit stunned, already wondering when you can go again. Plenty of people instead end up wincing at a toy that was way too big, on half a teaspoon of lube, wondering what the fuss is about.

The fuss is real. When you're relaxed, slick and properly turned on, that full, stretched feeling can make your whole body hum and your orgasm hit somewhere new. Dodge these mistakes and you'll find out for yourself.

Buying a monster because you'll "grow into it"

Your arse didn't agree to your ambitions. Choose a toy that makes you think "fuck yes", not one you need to psych yourself up for. Width matters more than length for that first stretch, and a tapered tip is much easier to take than a blunt one. Finding out you love a small one isn't a failure. It's a great night.

Start with something like the Pearl Wonders plug, a velvety silicone plug with a modest stretch. Our beginner anal toy guide has more ideas, and you can browse the full anal toy range when you're ready.

Being tight with the lube

Save tight for your arse. Your bum makes no slick of its own, and spit dries out in seconds, however hot it looks in porn. Use far more than you think you need and top up before it starts dragging. JO H2O Anal is a good water-based one to start with, and our anal lube guide covers the rest.

Using a toy with no base

Your favourite bullet doesn't become a butt plug just because it's nearby and you're horny. Anything that goes in your arse needs a broad flared base or similar stop that stays firmly outside. A slim handle or a little bump won't cut it.

Trying to push through pain

Stretching should feel full, intense and fucking delicious. Sharp pain means stop. Slow down, use more lube, go smaller or call it a night. Nobody hands out prizes for gritting your teeth.

If you have pain or bleeding, get medical advice before you try again. A stuck toy or heavy bleeding needs urgent medical help, not a rescue mission with something from the shed. And if you try it and decide it isn't for you, that's completely fine.

Skipping the warm-up

Going straight for your arse with nothing beforehand is the slow road to nowhere. Get properly turned on first. Kiss, get touched, use a vibrator, come once if you can. Then tease around the outside with a slick finger until you're pushing back against it, because that's how you know you're ready.

Keep a strong bullet vibrator on your clit or balls while your arse gets used to the toy. Keep it on the outside, though. Pleasure at the front makes it much easier to relax at the back, and it can make that first orgasm with something in your arse absolutely shattering.

Making the bathroom compulsory

You don't need to douche before anal. A wash and a trip to the toilet will usually do. Repeated internal flushing can irritate the tissue you're hoping to enjoy, and if a bit of mess happens, well, it's an arse. Throw a towel down and get back to it.

Going straight from arse to pussy

Clean the toy or swap the condom before it moves from anal to vaginal play, and wash your hands if they're making the same trip. A wipe on the sheets doesn't count. Our hygiene guide has the details.

Take your time and be greedy with the lube, and your first go probably won't be your last.